I think what you're saying makes sense. You cried when you drove home from the shower. You were in touch with the happiness and joy, then you got back in the car with him. And there was very little of that. I would cry too!
You're right, too, about how does he know he'll find happiness without you, or in California, or whatever. He won't. He needs to clean up what's basic for him - his home, his relationship with you, etc. if he's ever going to move on ... successfully. When we leave someone we end up in a very similar situation if we don't take a good look at ourselves and change. You are the one who is changing and tapping into the joy that's around you through the coming birth of this new little one. He can't see that because he's not open to it right now. And that's sad. For both of you.
I don't understand the part about talking to you 9 months after the baby is born? What does that mean? He doesn't know what he feels right now?
