Lees' lives it up again

[saffie]

Lees,

I know you are hurting but a few things in your post stood out at me:

..........and she'll still be putting the election in front of anything bar major accident or family death, a mere counselling appt is not worth jeapordising her job over.

At the moment jobs are pretty hard to come by here as you know. I assume she has a mortgage to pay, whether you live there or not. The election is 5th May is it not? In the over all scheme of things that is not a long time. Be patient.

She thinks I was cruel to mention babies in our argument after counselling last week, as she has had 2 miscarriages in the past. It was part of an angry spouting forth on my behalf, mostly about her work being more important than me, our relationship, or indeed anything else when she couldn't find time to attend a second appointment. When she chased me in the street I told her she could keep her damn elections and hoped they would give her the lifelong happiness, love, affection, support and children that she seeks.

Ok, so you listened and prompted. Did you validate at all anything she said? I think that if you DID say the above then that is pretty unkind. You have to remember you are carrying the baggage of a very recent failed M that caused you much hurt. She needs to realise that that may cause you to have a short fuse sometimes.

She was changing her mind about working on our relationship during the counselling session apparently. Was becoming more of a realistic idea to work at. Now she isn't so sure after our argument at the end. She's angry both at me for what was said in the street, and at the counsellor for not being able to accomodate her election schedule and saying she couldn't work with us if we couldn't attend regularly.

OK, so wait until after the elections and then get regular appointments set up. C'mon, you are moving too fast and ricocheting back and forth. Why don't you ask her for an amnesty until the elections are over.....and an assurance that after that she will work at the C side of things with you.

To me it sounds like there is some hope there that this R will work, but you keep destroying opportunities by wanting your results now! Or maybe you are so afraid of getting hurt again you are pushing this R in to being a self fulfilling prophecy of a failure? Please slow it all down. Breathe.