The Roller Coaster Keeps on Rolling

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I simply CANNOT understand and accept how W moved into another R so quickly after leaving me...

I can, and so can you if you're willing to turn it around.

If your relationship had been everything you both vowed it would be, I'd have a hard time with it too.

Mine wasn't and hadn't been for a long while.

Neither was yours.

It had been 'dead' for awhile right?


Grateful...

For similar reasons above. Oh do not get me wrong. I...hate him.
I reserve that for a few people.

But, my actions...inactions, childish demands, selfishness...yadda yadda yadda.

My wife deserved better. She didn't deserve me contributing to her worsening self worth image. He built her up, helped her realize she was of worth and value...most certainly to him. He was around at one of my wife's lowest points.
Did the affair cause problems of self worth in her and morality...certainly, but he was giving her (ha-ha...inuendo) what she needed, and craved.

I wasn't there, I wasn't capable of it, and really...DBing would have been a trick at the time and faded with time. He did the crap I forgot to do, stopped doing. He reminded me of everything I SHOULD have been doing.

Helll...his memory still does.

Gratfeul.


He is still a slime suckking scumbag.

[Denver_2010]

I simply CANNOT understand and accept how W moved into another R so quickly after leaving me...

I can, and so can you if you're willing to turn it around.

If your relationship had been everything you both vowed it would be, I'd have a hard time with it too.

Mine wasn't and hadn't been for a long while.

Neither was yours.

It had been 'dead' for awhile right?


Grateful...

For similar reasons above. Oh do not get me wrong. I...hate him.
I reserve that for a few people.

But, my actions...inactions, childish demands, selfishness...yadda yadda yadda.

My wife deserved better. She didn't deserve me contributing to her worsening self worth image. He built her up, helped her realize she was of worth and value...most certainly to him. He was around at one of my wife's lowest points.
Did the affair cause problems of self worth in her and morality...certainly, but he was giving her (ha-ha...inuendo) what she needed, and craved.

I wasn't there, I wasn't capable of it, and really...DBing would have been a trick at the time and faded with time. He did the crap I forgot to do, stopped doing. He reminded me of everything I SHOULD have been doing.

Helll...his memory still does.

Gratfeul.


He is still a slime suckking scumbag.

Wow Jack...

That is so similar to my situation... what I did and didn't do for my W... what OM brought to her life. How my W deserved better... I was only tearing her down... her confidence, her self worth. OM did the opposite.

Can I be grateful to OM for reminding me of everything I should do, or be, for W? I don't know. What you have said will make me think though. I know that his existence has reminded me of those things... but be grateful? Maybe.

Tough to be grateful and f'ing hate someone at the same time though...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Tough to be grateful and f'ing hate someone at the same time though...

We are human, we are walking contradictions.

[Denver_2010]

Point taken Starsky. I think that there is some truth to that.

Thanks.

Denver

[Denver_2010]

Thanks again Jack.

[cat04]

Denver,

--You do need to own your part in the A. She had an A, because you were not a good H. You were not meeting her needs. You created a situation that allowed her to become vulnerable to that sort of thing. While you didn't force her to get into the bed, you did hold the door wide open for her.

You need to recognize this and figure out a way to make sure that YOU don't do that again.

And you need to forgive both her and yourself for it. If you don't, I can guarantee that the reconciliation, won't last very long...


Denver, deal with your issues. Deal with your feelings. Decide, now that the possibility really exists, if you CAN do this.

I posted this to you, two threads ago...

Go read your answer to me...

It was full of I knows, just like your responses to others today have been...

So, can you do this?

[Denver_2010]

Update...

I think that I should follow last night's update with this even though it is short...

W texted me this morning some feelings that she has been having towards SS's school and their treatment of him. I responded by telling her that we could talk about it later when she and I both had time.

SS is suspended from school today. I went over to the place that they are staying and picked him up for some lunch. We went and picked out birthday cards for W and then had some lunch. W's birthday is tomorrow.

W called a little while after I dropped SS off. We talked about her thoughts on the school situation. She asked me if I would call the vice principal and talk to him since I was not there for the meeting on Friday when SS got into trouble.

W and I have exchanged a few more text messages since.

No talk about our conversation last night. I don't expect that there will be for a while.

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and advice after I posted last night. I'm not going to alter my strategy or behavior much going forward. I'm just going to refocus on the things that have gotten me to this point, ie, patience and being the better man...

BITS
Denver

[ninelives]

Ahhhh, the old pull back. It is part of the WAW's playbook.

Dont really know what to tell you Denver. The only thing I am sure of is the PATIENCE thing but let me tell you, when my W came back I was as patient as a monk however, this worked against me in my sitch because she was seeing the OM, unbeknowst to me.

I would have been patient for a long time but that was just buying her time. I dont know for what but she kept sleeping with him while not having to deal with me. I think she would have been happy doing this for a long time. She had the excitement of the OM and the security and money from me.

The integrity or lack there of part she seemed to be Ok with.

I could have been patient a very long time as long as there were positive steps.

See if she will sleep with you eventually and see if there is love in her eyes and in her hug. You know what to look for I think Now.

My W, could not pull that off with me. I did not feel the love at all.

All the best Denver.

9

PS, remeber John Elway didnt win the Superbowl very quickly but it seemed sweet when he finally did.

[Denver_2010]

Denver,

--You do need to own your part in the A. She had an A, because you were not a good H. You were not meeting her needs. You created a situation that allowed her to become vulnerable to that sort of thing. While you didn't force her to get into the bed, you did hold the door wide open for her.

You need to recognize this and figure out a way to make sure that YOU don't do that again.

And you need to forgive both her and yourself for it. If you don't, I can guarantee that the reconciliation, won't last very long...


Denver, deal with your issues. Deal with your feelings. Decide, now that the possibility really exists, if you CAN do this.

I posted this to you, two threads ago...

Go read your answer to me...

It was full of I knows, just like your responses to others today have been...

So, can you do this?

I do Cat. I think that this is what I have been doing ... dealing with my issues and my feelings.

Have I forgiven my W? I can... I think that I have... but that doesn't mean that I agree with her opinion of OM.

But I do know that I should not voice my opinion of OM to my W. I made a mistake. It won't happen again.

Do I own my part in the A... absolutely. This is the ONLY reason that I am able to forgive my W for it.

My problem is not with an inability to forgive, I don't think... Nor is it with my inability to own my part in it.

My problem is with my W's opinion of OM and her inability to see things my way!! This is making me insecure, and causing me to ask for reassurance and validation...

LOL... not funny, I know. But I am recognizing the error of my thinking here.

BAM! My own 2x4 ... thank you very much.

Thanks Cat.
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Sorry Nine... going to have to pretend that I didn't just read your post! LOL!!

In all seriousness though, I honestly don't believe that my W is capable of doing what you just described. I know that many a husband has probably said the same thing... I know that. But, at the same time, my W has expressed enough regret over he decisions during our S, and has expressed enough understanding of my feelings, that I feel comfortable in trusting her.

Like I've said, my W did not have to tell me about her R with OM before deciding to work on our M with me. In fact, she had friends tell her NOT to tell me about it. I would have never known about it had she made this choice. But she did tell me... because she wanted to be honest with me... bc she could not live with that lie. That is my W as I know her.

Thanks for your support man.

BITS
Denver