The Roller Coaster Keeps on Rolling

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Denver -

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Stop talking about the F-ing OM.


along those lines:

Stop F-ing talking about the OM.

Yes... she has me on eggshells. No doubt.

Really?



Re-read your own post about the last couple of days and point out when things started sliding south.

I told W that I believe that we have an opportunity that most couples do not... That someday we will be able to look back on what we have gone through and know that it made our M strong. That going through this will make our M stronger than we had ever hope that it would be.

That is beautiful...

and pressuring.

You're telling her what her future is going to be like, no choice on her part.

oh, AND:

I told W that I understood what she was saying. That I wasn't going to try and 'convince you' with words.

Conflicting.


Looking back Denver, you're success...came from enjoying the moments with her. Those moments build up over time.
Stop rushing it, and stop trying to convince her.

DB is right there is alot of good. Alot of it.

You need to assuage your own insecurities, not have her do it. Not be needy.
Take comfort in her actions, instead of needing her to re-confirm them.

At another point, I told W that maybe she should just reengage OM and figure out what she wants to do with that R before we consider anything else bw she and I.

I do not believe I have ever called anyone stupid here before.
Look Denver if it isn't advice you'd give, why take it yourself?

I immediately realized that I had reverted into some bad behavior. I apologized. I then told W that I was just upset and that i was feeling impatient with things. We talked a little, but W was clear upset and maybe even a little irritated.

The good? You recognized it and apologized for it.

The bad? She saw it, and your new Denver isn't as shiny. Willing to bet that alot of what followed was from her fear you're tricking her.

Consistency of change, until it is no longer change is your goal, because slip ups make them doubt you.


The OM and your wife.

As soon as you get used to the following idea the better off I think you will be.

Your wife and the OM had a relationship.
They had a relationship.
And when relationships die, it takes time to process them.
Anyone who hurries that up especially someone with a vested interest is poking a bear.

You have a vested interest. So you're trying to hurry her process along, instead of as hard as it is to do...comfort her, be there, you just want her to jump feet first into you and hurry the hell up.

So..lets say, you and your wife divorce, and you're all hurt and in pain, and lets say there is woman, who is glad it is over because she wants you to committ to her, be more than friends and can't understand why you still have feelings for your wife? Why can't you just get over her already?

How long you going to put up with her.

Funny thing is, even now, if my OM was hanging off a cliff? I might kick some dirt in his face before he fell.

But I am grateful, yeah that's f-ed up, he was there for her when I wasn't, and I am willing to bet Denver that besides that one point, you and I have similar feelings about the OM.

This isn't easy, it's never going to become easy. Easy is what got you here, you forget this path is hard, and your feet become bloody ribbons on the rocks.

I am beginning to wonder if it is possible that a R can just get so damaged that it can never be repaired.

Yup...

And I am confused. W spends time with me almost every day. She says that she enjoys talking to me and spending that time with me.

Doesn't seem like your's falls into that category though.