The Roller Coaster Keeps on Rolling

[Denver_2010]

Hi Denver,

It's the toughest thing for a man to let a woman get all of her words out that have to do with feelings and every little thought. While you do have to LISTEN, and you have--you don't have to put so much weight on every word. I know that's really hard when you are really listening. And more conversations will still drain you a bit.

But--you did some good things and actually, this talk was a baby step.

1) You made her feel safe to talk and get out her feelings.
2) You actually listened.
3) You made her feel safe to keep doing the same and let her be ambivalent.

What you want to do most in judging your progress is to WATCH HER ACTIONS.

She's initiating spending time with you. That's incredibly major.

I know this doesn't FEEL like a bonus weekend. But it was. This is NOT the point where you back off and she misses you more. This is the point where you stay consistent. Consistently the new old you that she trusts. No knee-jerk pull back.

Thanks DB. W says that she thinks that we need to continue to have these conversations. But god it IS sooo draining bc some of the words sting a lot. I know that I need to watch her actions and not focus so much on her words. But I can't help but feel that she is losing some internal struggle within herself about working on M. At the same time, I have a hard time envisioning her walking away unless I revert to old behaviors.

I've listened to both you and Lotus. While had already considered what Lotus is telling me now, I think that my best course of action is to continue being consistent and refocus myself on being patient.

While I do worry that I am being too available to my W and am pursuing her too strongly right now, I worry more that pulling away to see if she will draw closer will only validate her concerns that I have not truly changed and will eventually revert back to old behaviors. That interpretation of my actions by her would be devastating to my situation. I can't risk that right now and I think that it is a strategy that I can save for a later time IF things take more of a turn for the worse.

Thanks again DB!

BITS
Denver