I haven’t updated much because I really believe this is a long process and with things moving at such a snail’s pace there really isn’t much to say. A very wise man suggested I maintain my thread and use it to journal.
That said, my H is filing for divorce. He got a $500 divorce deal and has requested various information from me so he can file. I contacted an attorney as well who will review everything once it’s written up for $300. All in all pretty cheap but since we don’t have children together it’s much easier.
I’ve had minimal contact with H. Mostly for info regarding the divorce or about trading mail back and forth between our residences. I did call him last week about a flat on my bicycle and he volunteered to change it rather than me paying to have it done. I offered to take it to the bike shop 3 times but he insisted on doing it. I went over to our old house so he could change the tire. He was watching OW’s dog so the dog of ours he kept and her dog romped in the garage with us while he was changing the tire. Afterward he invited me in because he had papers for me to sign to take my name off his car.
He offered me a beverage and I accepted. I sat at the bar in the kitchen and he was across the counter from me. The way many of our conversations took place after the bomb. He asked how I’m doing and since I can’t talk about R I talked about my job a little. I asked the same of him and he vented for quite a while about all the stress he’s under for work. We talked about me seeing his son, my stepson, 12. He said he didn’t know…I asked a couple times and he finally said he didn’t want him getting false hope that we’re getting back together. I said to tell him I miss him and asked to see him…that it’s nothing more than that and he agreed to let me see him but we’ll see. Shortly after that his 18 year old came upstairs and about fell over seeing me sitting there. I asked him if he’d like to go to dinner with me Sunday night and he said sure.
I asked about his parents. He said they’re “mad as hell” at him for what he did to me. He told me he feels terrible for what he did. I responded that he should. He said he just doesn’t know what he wants. He feels “dead” inside. He said things at work that used to upset him don’t anymore and he just doesn’t care. Then he said he works at home every night until 10. I didn’t ask why he works so long if he doesn’t care…just another contradiction.
I asked H if it would be too weird for him to go biking with me. He said yes. I asked why and he said he didn’t “trust himself”. I didn’t push for a meaning on that but later asked if he was afraid he’d off me in the woods and hide my body and he said that wasn’t what he meant.
He pulled out all the paperwork and was complaining about everything they were asking for. I said because we don’t have kids and there won’t be spousal maintenance they shouldn’t need all that and he should let them know how we are doing things. I then did some bad Dbing and said we don’t have to do this. He asked what? And I said this…we don’t have to get divorced. The state of MN has free marriage counseling. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it and changed the subject.
I played with our dog for a while and then left. That was Wednesday…
