Standing up to the punches

[Seminolewind]

Karma keep standing up for yourself don't show her the person that used to give her everthing she wanted. I used to do the exact same thing and trust me you don't have to be mean, just be confident you are doing the right thing. Who knows what these WAW are thinking anyway, I actually think it's kind of comical. We cannot tell a WAW what proper behavior is, so don't even try, it just makes you want to bang your head against a wall! I am playing this exact same game. But I hired the attorney and now the wife needs to find her own. I don't want to fight a minor thing out in court, but I will prtotect myself! You should do the same.

[Redo]

Thanks Seminolewind. Yup as one my friend put it. The emotional trauma might go away in a year or so, but if you are not careful the financial trauma will haunt you for a long long time.

In our marriage, she managed our total finances. I had no clue how much was where nor did i worry. Now she feels she can do the same, but not be married. My fear is that by me retaining a lawyer i might lessening our chances of reconciliation. But if don't stand up for myself now, i never will.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

From CS's thread you posted:

I dont want to Hijack this thread, but what if the impending doom of divorce is looming close? I am not sure what is worse. If your spouse says that they are not interested in working on the marriage but still don't divorce, or as in case of my wife, said she did not want to be married to me, filed for divorce and is pushing it at full swing and along the way has been quite un-reasonable with some of her divorce requests. How do i deal with the situation where i still love this woman, but don't like where she is taking our lives. I am unable to reconcile these. Yup, i try to work on myself so that i can be a better person and might be my wife might take notice, but it is becoming very very hard knowing that pretty soon the divorce will go through. I would love to hear your feedback. Again, sorry for hijacking the thread

karma,
You are still very attached to the M.
Where she's taking OUR lives? You don't have to go there.
Lead your life by your own standards. I highly reccomend the book- Boundaries, by CLoud and Townsend.
I have seen many WAW rush through the D process.
It's so they don't allow themselves to change their minds.
They are being very selfish.

Think about this way,
Divorce papers are just as meaningful as a Marriage cretificate.

Live you life to your code and you will never be disappointed with yourself.

gr8

[Redo]

Hi gr8. Thanks for your advice. Yup, I am still attached to my M and wife. Some days I am so looking forward to move on. Other days i just let myself be dragged down. Sometimes i wonder if i will actually be at peace once the D goes through. At-least then I can move on and not worry about the divorce details.

I know that in my wife's case, she might only realize how life is on the other side only when she is there. That means let the D go through.

[steady]

I think very rarely have i ever stood up for myself like this and opposed her directly. It feels extremely weird and I feel very bad like i am hurting her. I mean i know that right now my wife is trying to fleece me, but still i have this incredible guilty feeling like i am abandoning her. I have to learn to recognize where i am digging a grave for myself first.

[edited by dbmod: reference is not recommended nor allowed] I'll venture to guess, like me, you'll sit there wondering how this guy pegged you.

You have issues you need to address.

[Redo]

I think very rarely have i ever stood up for myself like this and opposed her directly. It feels extremely weird and I feel very bad like i am hurting her. I mean i know that right now my wife is trying to fleece me, but still i have this incredible guilty feeling like i am abandoning her. I have to learn to recognize where i am digging a grave for myself first.

[edited by dbmod: reference is not recommended nor allowed] I'll venture to guess, like me, you'll sit there wondering how this guy pegged you.

You have issues you need to address.

Yup, I have that book and read it. Yea first time i gave me a shock as to the way i was behaving with my wife. But i guess 11 years of being the same way still has its residual effects on me. I am learning to go away from that mode and stand up. Thanks!

[gr8 day 2B alive]

My fear is that by me retaining a lawyer i might lessening our chances of reconciliation. But if don't stand up for myself now, i never will.

Don't allow fear to run our life.
Protecting youself and your family will in no way lessen your chances to R. Alway protect yourself from people trying to go against your code.

In the beginning we all fear if we do X it will hurt our chances to R.
It goes agianst our thinking. This is an area where more 180s should be considered.

[Redo]

Weekend was a downer as usual. I plan so many things for my weekend. lawnmowing, cleaning house etc. I get nothing done. I just sat and watched TV all day long. I really need to stop this and keep myself busy on weekends. At-least i got my taxes done and told my wife how much we would get back. Daughter got sick over the weekend due to bad allergies. I just worried as to how she was doing. My Car is hitting its age now and i dont think it can make that 400miles 2way trip anymore....

[Redo]

BITS. I need some guidance here. Help please.

Right now wife is on my medical insurance plan. I was debating on whether i should just go ahead and carry her on my insurance or give her a heads up. Talked to dad on saturday and he suggested to put that ball in her court so that she knows the consequences for her actions on D. I emailed her asking her how she wanted to handle the medical insurance. I called W this morning asking how daughter was doing. Then W brings up the medical insurance and says she thought that i would be carrying her till the end of the year when she gets a job.

It really hurts a lot for me to be doing this. I hate doing this to her. My family tells me that if she can take my name out of our joint saving accounts and not feel anything then i should be okay with this too.

I'd like to know what you guys think. Was it bad that i emailed her about taking a decision on her medical insurance? I feel that even if we get divorced, i should carry her insurance. But again, she has been quite business like when it comes to taking decisions that benefit her. She has not given an iota of thought about both of us here.

I am lost on this one.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Weekend was a downer as usual. I plan so many things for my weekend. lawnmowing, cleaning house etc. I get nothing done. I just sat and watched TV all day long

These are things in your control!

How attractive and exciting are you being?