The Roller Coaster Keeps on Rolling

[zengypsy]

My dear friend, Denver:

Here are my observations/suggestions:

I agree with some of the other comments about the pursuing thing. I think you need to back up just a bit and not try to push so hard. Let her come to you. When she questions if your changes are the real deal, maybe you can say something like I know it's hard to believe but this is truly who I am now. Short and sweet but basically throwing it back at her to really weigh taking that risk or not. It will give her some serious food for thought at best because she will be thinking if indeed these changes are permanent like he says, I just may have alot to lose here. Know what I mean?

Also, in terms of her bringing up the OM. If I'm being too blunt, I apologize in advance. I always have all my BITS best interest at heart. She will always defend him because it's not about the relationship she had with him but it's how he made her feel. Having said that, that is somewhat an illusion because he knows what he was competing against. And he will do whatever it takes to sway her his way. It's his job (for lack of a better term) to make him look like the better choice. At the end of the day, just keep in mind that thru all the smoke and mirrors, he will never share the history like you both have, nor will he ever know her and your SS on the same level you do. You can't compete with that no matter how hard you try; no matter how hard you sway. And she will see that.

In terms of MC, it's great that she has finally conceeded to go. Just remember when you start any kind of C, there is no turning back in facing stuff you don't want to head on, being called out on stuff you don't want to hear. But, that is the only way you BOTH can get to the otherside. It's trying to regain that balance of self-growth for EACH of you. If your W was still not willing to go to MC and start experiencing some self-growth for HERself, then you do realize your M would not work. There would still be a major imbalance.

Lastly, I would suggest that the next time she wants to see you, tell her that you can't because something suddenly came up or whatever. I think she needs to miss you more. You have become a little too comfortable again. She knows that you are going to be there whenever she wants you to be there. So, mix it up a little bit; make the thrill of the chase a little more exciting for the both of you.

I think you are doing a great job. Keep it up and you still inspire us not matter what the ups and downs are with your sitch.

Sending HUGS!