Islander... remember this... it could very well allow you to keep your sanity...
Believe none of what you hear and 50% of what you see.
My W told me she wanted to be friends no matter what happened. She is not being my friend at this time, regardless of where we are at or the ups or downs we are having.
My W told me that she wanted to have each other be at family events. But she has not invited me to her family events and is not likely to go to my family events. And she is now talking about separate x-mases, and other special events.
My W told me that she would cut my hair. Then didn't. I asked again and she agreed again, but she didn't. Had I reminded her on those days, she probably would have. Or maybe not. It doesn't matter.
The point is, they are saying things that seem like the right answer. The problem is, they don't act on it. They might if prodded. But that's not giving them the opportunity to do what they want. It IS pressure. And they DO NOT like it. Eventually, the react and strike at us in whatever way they know will hurt us. Intentionally or not.
So the good advice that you've been given remains. Detach. Do not stop loving your W if you do not want to. Love unconditionally, from afar, without stating it and without showing it. Loving her is for you. She may or may not start showing that she loves you. If she does, that's when you might... VERY CAREFULLY... start to say and show you return the love.
And remember... believe NONE of what you hear and 50% of what you see... and go from there...
