Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Oh well, it was a relatively quiet 2 days. On Friday morning my D had a minor anxiety attack, did not go to school. I had H take care of her as I had too many things at work, and he brought her to work with him. She recovered pretty well, and was eating by lunchtime.

I notice that D is more clingy, wanting someone to sleep with her, and also is praying more. I keep a close eye on her.

D's cousins are visiting from our home country, so that provides her with distractions.

H on the other hand, has been really supportive of D, and also has been acting very nicely towards me. I notice things like the other night, he leaned against me the whole night in bed, and I also snuggled up to him. I think in our shared distress we both look for some warmth and closeness.

H and I went out wine tasting with some friends today while D stayed with her cousins. H was very good, even made some future plans. Our friends saw that there were some concerts planned on one of the wineries we went to and said we should go. H told me to look up the dates in my calendar and said I should reserve the days. This goes all the way to September! That is the longest we go into the future so far. We do have a couple of family trips planned , one this month and another in August. If we maintain the way we interact today we should be fine.

It does seem to me that we are more comfortable together now.

He also has gone back to being dependent on me around the house (for a while I noticed he was making an effort to be independent, as though he wanted to show me I wasn't needed). Like when he dresses up, he again asks me to help him fix his collar, or his shirt - small things. He asked me to pack up his suitcase last night, just like the old H did. H also seems to recover faster when we have little disagreements - in the immediate past, it would set us back and he would be hostile to me for a few days. On Friday AM I had a little setback, as I got irritated with him for looking in the mirror all the time - his MLC vanity, as he was never vain before - that I made a comment on it. He told me to leave him alone. I was worried he would be turned off totally, and true enough he did not call me till the end of the day- but that evening h was really nice to me.

I have refrained from bringing up D's cutting that much in conversation lately, as it seems to cause H a lot of distress. He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths when I do.

H left today for a meeting on the East coast so he will be gone for 3 days. I am worried because when he comes back from meetings he is usually distant, as though being away from me makes him feel his freedom (or lack of it) more acutely.

My sense though is that he is thinking things over, realizing what his actions are doing to his family. In my prayers, I always ask to hear God, and I feel He is telling me that I have to learn compassion and forgiveness, and as long as I could be consistent, our family will get through this intact.

I just keep on praying that I could keep my anger at bay. My biggest challenge at this time is not blaming him for D's actions.