I have encountered this type of hostility before, and what I am talking about is different, at least in my case. There was a lot of the type you describe in the first two to three years.
The hostility I am writing about is directed at me in a very weird and deeply personal way. Others, such as Punkin and Snodderley, have noted the same in their spouses. It isn't simply the hostility/anger of someone who has done wrong and doesn't want to accept it. This is a deep seated sense that we are responsible for all that is wrong in their lives. Even my sons have noted it - and they are adults. They find it totally baffling after all this time he still makes me the scapegoat for everything, even though we are divorced and he got a great financial settlement, and is with OW, and I said I would be his friend if he wanted this [He didn't]. So what exactly is his problem is their view. I, as the lbs do not bear him the same grudges, and am moving on with my life.
