It has been really tough the last 48 hrs being away from home and her. I miss her like a limb. I really miss the excitement of finishing work after a night shift and driving home knowing I got to snuggle into bed with her whilst she was still in that really cute dozyness. And having her come and wake me up by climbing into bed with a kiss and cup of tea to get me up for work. Now I just finish work and wanser out to the car, don't care if I'm late or not and drive home slowly because I don't have anything except an empty bed to look forwards to.
Having her made everything seem so much easier, troubles so much more bearable as we faced them together.
I so want this to work out but don't know how.
Do I continue to cook meals for her or just eat alone. Do I still do both of our washing and ironing, or just do my own. Do I still clean her car when I do mine, or just do mine.
I don't want to push her away. She's already commented on not liking the moving boxes, and why am I giving her mixed signals saying I want to fix things, but am still looking at houses. Will she interpret me not doing any stuff for her as a negative?
It's going to be a killer going home tomorrow morning. Knowing she's there, being in the same house and not being able to touch her or kiss her or tell her how I feel about her. And another whole week till the next counselling session where I get to hear what is really in her head.
Ho hum. Here's hoping at least tonight's night shift passes pleasantly.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
