Last night was hard...couldn't get to sleep at all. I've read back through my posts and I see so much desperation. I thought that I had gotten to a better place with it, but obviously I haven't as it is showing through in the words that I have written.
I do know that most days I have a positive attitude and I'm really working on being Happy. See...I had a very negative reaction to some birth control and it caused me to be extremely depressed. I was angry and could find no joy in anything that I did. It was a very dark time in my life and unfortunately I took all of my frustration and anger out on my family. As soon as I had the birth control removed, I began to feel better and I started to be more ME. I feel giddy with that part of my life because it's so nice to see ME again.
However, the consequences of that time in my life was that my H felt like I didn't want our marriage and he was not getting what he needed from me. That is how the A began. I can understand why he turned to someone else, but I can't help being angry that he didn't talk to me about the way he was feeling. He has told me that I broke his heart and that he doesn't know if he can trust me again.
I love him, but I truly am working toward the place where I can be happy with or without him. My D is having a really hard time with this and when she does I get down on everything and start looking at the negative instead of the positive.
I keep telling myself that it's a work in progress and that I have to have patience...but it's so hard!
Me: 31 H: 30 Kids: D9 Together almost 12 years Married almost 5 years EA began: 8/10 Separated: 3/11
