confused bolt

[Bolt]

I figured out something through a very dear friend today. I chatted with this friend and we found something that both I wasn't giving and W was desperately needing: support.

I decided to throw away my thoughts and hopes and simply support her. Support her as a mother and a friend. Support her to let her know how great a mother she is and that I trust her decisions to be the best for the kids. I said how wonderful a parent she's been in the past and that even though this is extremely tough, I know she'll make the right decisions.

We talked about how much we value our friendship and how much we both miss it. We miss just talking. Just being there. Being friends. I told her it was bad enough losing my family, losing my spouse...but I didn't want to lose my best friend.

Maybe that's all we've been doing lately. Not trying to work on the M and even losing touch with our friendship.

Do I want a divorce? Absolutely not. But I respect my W enough to let her go. To let her have this one thing. I'll always be here for her - not waiting for her because I will move on - but I'll always be here for her. We have a bond that will never be broken even if the vows of marriage are.

and lastly, the question - what does it mean to me to let her go? Well, that shows just how much I DO love her. I love her so much that I will let her go. I think that's pretty selfless - a trait I WANT for myself. And a trait I will work on for myself...

and JTB - that's where I'll be for her when she needs me. WHENEVER she needs me.

For myself, I want to learn to trust again and be selfless and complimentary. So I'm doing that to my W despite the past and despite the current sitch.

I'm doing this for the love of another. For the love of my wife.

Mach, you asked a few questions that I can answer pretty easily.
I will always love her. Maybe not the way that a Husband loves a Wife, but as a person and as someone I've shared half my life with. Nothing, no words, or person can EVER take that away.

[Cadet]

HOW CLOSE it seemed

I hear you and understand how unique that pain is. Coupled with all the self inflicted pain about being naive and a fool.

It is easy to walk through hell, take a moment to think about that...walking through hell, not just a hard time, not just a ohhh we might not have enough money to cover bills for this month, but hell.

It is easy to walk through hell FOR your wife if you know she'll walk back out with you.

It is HARD to walk through hell FOR yourself, not knowing if your wife is going to walk back with you, or even if your going to find her.

IF this is a Life Crisis (MLC)

Your wife the one you love, she still exists, are you going to let this bittch prevent you from being there for her?

Can't rescue her from herself.
You can however be there went she needs a hand up.
You put a timeline on it?

And you should save yourself from what you will come to believe is 'wasted time.'

Time by the way is only wasted...
If YOU waste it.

English please...


Maybe I'm having a really really blonde day...

Thank you Cat I thought it was only me that could not understand this.....

[cat04]

Thank you Cat I thought it was only me that could not understand this.....

You know, usually, I get these guys...

Today...

Not so much...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

It is easy if you know the outcome.

It is hard if you don't.

Doing something and knowing the outcome says something about you.

Doing something and NOT knowing the outcome says something about your character.

Do you do put effort into something only when you know the outcome?

IF this is an MLC. He should not let this person she currently is scare him into hating her.

He cannot rescue her...clarify?

However, He can be around later to help her pick up the pieces.

Don't impose a timeline on it he will fail, and the only time time is truely wasted is when a person wastes it.


Better?

[cat04]

Thank you.

Bonehead

[Jack_Three_Beans]

No

problem


Blondie


: )

[Harrier]

Hey Bolt. I'm sure you don't necessarily want to hear from me right now, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you buddy.

I've seen you come a long way and I know you have the strength to get through this.

As an aside, I know you want to support her, but I'd really looking into getting off that lease. Ultimately, you will have to decide what's best.

[Bolt]

Thanks for checking in, Harrier.

It's been pretty tough. It's so hard focusing. Some days are ok but most are horrible. The mornings are the worst. I'm great if I don't talk to her but I have to for logistics and things.

I did try to get off the lease and couldn't. She said that once things are final, she will redo the lease with me off it. I think she is using it as a carrot for me to simply sign things.

What I'm realizing more and more each day is that I wasn't very happy in the relationship for quite some time. I have no idea why I'm holding on. I think its only for the kids now. That fact is really depressing me for sure.

I know I'll make it through it but it seems impossible right now.

[Truegritter]

I have no idea why I'm holding on.

You better figure that out my friend.

Are you going to let someone beat you down with their own craziness?

Figure it out for YOU.

Then you will not be a victim of someone else's choice.

Are you a victim?

Or

A survivor?

and then

A thriver.

Your choice Bolt.

This ain't easy and most people turn and run right here.

Who are YOU? WHO do you want to be?

For it is now that your life calls.

Through this tragedy you can, if you choose,

Find yourself.

[~ kd ~]

Bolt, I feel for you.

Right now, this past week, my W agreed she was finally ready to say the D word out loud. Started discussing how it would all dissolve and how cheap it can be if we remain amicable through it all. Like she's been holding off saying D out loud, while she planned and prepped for it.

For me, I'm starting to believe that it isn't worth the fight. I "love her, but I'm not IN love with her", may not have really loved her all along, and really, have nothing nice to say or think about her right now. I wonder if it is actually ME that is MLC, not her.

But the members of this group provide awesome feedback and help us think what we're doing.

Probably in your case, as with mine, we may DB (ie. work on ourselves) through to the bitter end and if... IF... our spouses decide they want to try to R, we may very well (and that's part of the point, I think) not be interested by that time. We may finally have a life that is great without them.

That is the scary part. But that's when we will need to decide whether to truly drop the rope (ie. sign the papers) or whether we are prepared to take another look at R. THAT is when it is up to us, not before, and not now, and maybe not for a long while.

I hold good thoughts for your progress.