Cat, You've hit the nail on the head! My xh has been gone for over 11 years and he was one nasty sob for the three years I attempted to get the divorce finalized. The calls, the nasty emails and letters were uncalled for and not like him at all. I never contacted him after the divorce and it took my bil's untimely death to give him an excuse to contact me and act like a civil human being. After the funeral, I realized why he was being so civil...he wants things from my residence. What was and is still funny is that he pulls the nice routine whenever he wants something and when I refuse, Mr. Nasty comes to town.
I've learned to find the humor in his little missives and him having people call me. It reminds me that I have a healthy and happy life to live and that I would never want to talk in his shoes.
As Cat mentioned, until they look in the mirror, and face their issues, nothing will get better for them. Keep in mind, some will never return to the "normal" life. My xh is one that was lost a long time ago and he's still orbiting earth.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
