Please, nobody get offended by what I'm about to say. Sometimes I wonder if we are fooling ourselves on this board into believing our WAS's are unhappy with themselves instead of just unhappy with us. Like we can feel better about ourselves if we keep reminding ourselves and eachother that it's not us, it's them that has the problem. Are we just pigeonholing the WAS's, making the mold fit them rather than them fitting the mold? Maybe all (or at least most) divorces go like this. Seems crazy to me to just suddenly walk away from your family, especially if there are young kids involved, but maybe that's how most people wanting out of a marriage have to do it so they don't get sucked back in to where they don't want to be.
Everything I read here and everything I'm experiencing and learning about H's childhood seems to fit the MLC profile, but he insists otherwise and it makes me question if I'm just seeing what I want to see rather than what is. I can continue to have compassion and patience and hope if it's MLC, but if he just wants out then there's no hope left.
I find myself so angry when I think of how selfish he is being. Our daughters are so young and deserve so much better than this. He says he loves them just as much as I do (although I would beg to differ) but yet he won't make the effort to try to improve our R so that they can have a chance at a complete family and all the advantages that would allow them. How can he not find motivation to at least TRY just for them? How can he think they will be better off??? Why is he the only one who matters to himself in this equation?
D4 is struggling so bad with Daddy being gone. She has mood swings many times a day, from anger to crying, to clingy, needy behavior. I hate him for doing that to her. I hate that he doesn't have to see her act like that (because of course she doesn't do those things during the 15 or so hours he spends with her each week). I want to kick his a$$ for being so supremely selfish. I want to protect my girls from the hurt and I can't. I cannot make up for his abandonment with my love, my time, my words. I can't make it all better for them, and that kills me.
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Better than screaming it at H, right?
Me- 35 H- 36 M- 7 T- 9 D3, D5 Bomb 1/21/11 EA/PA began 12/10? Discovered A 3/2/11 S- 3/3/11 OW gone- 4/27/11 H says he wants to reconcile, but lacking action
