I had the long talk with tears streaming about a week ago. I think that as painful as those moments can be, they are VERY helpful. It never fails that the day after that happening, I feel better. I think we just get so much emotional energy in us and it's cathartic to let it all out.
I know you want to go through the next few weeks with calm, but it's also ok if you don't from time to time. Dont' be so tough on yourself!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Hi Punk, I did the wrong thing today! Can you please hop over to my thread? Need some help. I'm a mess. I'm thrilled thatGS is doing good and I will pray for your whole family to be well.
I'm oddly calm about the court date itself, and feel rather secure with the outcome financially.
What is bothering me and keeping me up at nights is the returned anxiety/feelings toward by stbxh. Until now, I've been able to detach from the fact that I do still love the Bstrd. I've regrouped nicely, I think, and created a life from the apparent ashes that includes ALL my kids and grands.
Logic just seems to have flown out the window for me. I'm up at all hours of the night, unable to turn off the mind again. Much like it was at the beginning.
I don't know what the government shutdown will mean for H, but most likely, they will force him into retirement. None of which effects me. It may even work in my favor in that he may agree to just sign the house over to me for it's balance.
I've tried to remain a helpful voice on the Boards. Much easier to give advice than to take it, right? EZ to remain logical and intelligent when your emotions aren't wrapped up in it.
26 days and counting.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Hi Punkin, I follow along quite a bit and I think you have been doing a wonderful job giving advice here.
You are not alone. My court day is this month on the 26th. Then this will be all over for me but the craziness will not be.
Custody sharing of our 3 boys will keep me attached to the insanity.
Just 2 days ago W said she still loves me but it does not change anything.
They are bound and determined to see the D through. I truly believe she will not find what she is looking for but she will have to find that out on her own.
It has been a long road but I can see life getting better for me if I remain detached.
I think the anxiety will start to fade after enough time passes.
Finally, some movement on my end of things. H contacted D24 that he urgently needed to talk to me. He emailed my old address saying that his paycheck was about to stop and that he was having all the auto-drafts stopped and I could just pay them or destroy my credit, including HIS 2008 Ford pickup.
I responded calmly that I have been expecting this and had done my homework on the situation. Was he perhaps considered non essential personnel?
I also told him that I would call our Mtg'r and see what could be done. I did so, and found that they have set up a special dept. just for military and all he had to do was send them a copy of his orders. Sent him the fax # and phone #.
Emailed info to H, told him what to do and if he did not do it, it was all on him. As for the truck, that was in his possesion, and he needed to do the calling to the bank. All said nicely.
Even his Emails are full of rancor and hate. Just another ruse to "get me". SIGH
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Yep, I know how all of that goes. You have been so great to me and have helped me so much.
Mine wants it his way or no way also, or like I said he will have a judge assigned. All I keep thinking even though I'm still Standing for my M is my H can do what he wants, but a judge is only going to make it worse on him (if this is really what he wants....the D).
The games mine plays are unbelievable. Don't get me wrong, he may want it big time thinking leaving me and the kids didn't make him happy. Him moving 4 times in 2 years didn't make him happy, so now a piece of paper is going to make him happy. I came right out and told him "If you think signing a piece of paper saying it's over will make you change the way you feel, trust me it won't." I said all of this in a nice way and voice. He went completely silent. But then again, my H when he gets angry always runs to his lawyer and starts pushing the D again, as soon as he doesn't get his own way. So I really don't know what he wants, and I really think your H is the same way. They think that a D will end all feelings for us and the past will just disappear and they can start a whole new life and forget about the M and love they had for us, but it doesn't work that way for most WAS's.
And remember what I told you the other day, my H was making any sense at all either. They are very confused and are being influenced by others to make the D final.....just my opinion.
Well guys, for the last 3-4 days, I have been soul-searching, down on my knees praying, asking God for some sign. I told God I would accept His Will, but could he show me somehow that this was the right path.
Yesterday, I believe I got it. The entire conversation was a giant manipulation on his part.Just using the current economic crisis to see if he could get his way. He must be terribly worried that court will not go his way. His final email to me was so full of hate I could barely read it. He signed it with only his last name, like I don't know it. Apparently I am at fault from everything from the depletion of the ozone to the declining population of bees. Not to mention current gas prices.
So, before I went to bed last night, unfortunately not to sleep, I sat on my front deck, listened to the night, and told God I get it. This has to go through. I bow before his wisdom, and accept his direction.
Okay guys, hit me with 2x's if you think I did wrong, but I got tired of the hostile rants. I know I could have just ignored them, and did for awhile. Finally, I had had enough. Sent him the message below:
Breaking News> The Government has come to a short term agreement to avoid a grinding halt to the government.
I have receipts for the money taken from the savings. Somebody had to keep the house running, take care of the maintainence of the place and repairs, pay the taxes. All the things that you never had to think about and still, apparently do not. Today I had to replace the disposer. I bought it and replaced it myself. Can't sell a house with broken appliances. Painted the ceilings myself. That saved what? $2000.00? Currently painting the bedroom.
So here's your reality. You chose to leave this house and walk out on me and your responsibilities. No one made you leave. You chose to have an affair with a staff member. You chose to re write our history together and make me the evil villian. You chose to let that female treat me the way she did, knowing I never did anything that didn't put you first.
My ducks are in a row. My lawyer is smiling. Now you can lie in the bed you chose. See you May 4th.
Haven't heard a word since. Fingers crossed. Any opinions??
