The End is Here!

[steady]

Let me preface - what I say is in the ideal realm. Ideally, and in a perfect world, you would be able to detach, focus on yourself, be happy and understand what's going on is about her and not about you. It was repetition that taught me this and a great deal of optional suffering.

Ive outed her but she is in total denial.She lies and lies and lies all the while seeking people to validate her choices makes me want to puke.And this woman wants to work at DHS @#$%%^^&&*@#@!

Of course she denies it. What kind of person would she be if the truth was acknowledged? My W ejected anyone in her life who questioned her choices and spent more and more time with the ones that enabled her. Biggest one is her mother.

hAS BEEN HOME THE LAST 2 DAYS AT NIGHT,PROBABLY GUILT.

Might be guilt, may not be. Why even have your head asking that question?

Went S11 concert with W tonight. I really said next to nothing while keeping my distance.She kept backhanding me on the arm every time she wanted to say something mundane.

While keeping your distance I would guess you were angry as hell.

Did you enjoy the backhanding or did it annoy you? If it annoyed you why didn't you tell her stop?

Has neen a small bit chattier lately but still texting OM on the phone with a smirk on her face.

How do you know she was texting OM? If you know for sure why would you sit there and not say anything? "You know, I respect myself enough not to sit here while you text this guy so I need you to either show me enough respect and stop doing it, or move somewhere else besides here." (otherwise she gets to cake eat)

What do I do now go even more grey or dark?really hard to keep up a pleasant demeanor when all I want to do is take her in my arms and hold her.

Really? This woman who is with OM, eating her cake, irresponsibly spending money, splintering your family and creating all kinds of damage - you want to hold her in your arms? If you just started dating this woman would you accept this kind of behavior?

I will not move out (dont have the money and she has not initiated any R talks so I feal like Im in limbo now.So tired everyday a marathon. Im mostly stoic.

Every day feels like a marathon because you're focused on her, what's she's feeling, thinking, doing etc.. and you're focused on saving your marriage.

If you could focus on you and your kid(s?) you wouldn't feel so drained and exhausted.

Its 1:30am and ive found more evidence on my desktop,cannot get this out of my head.

Of course you can't get it out of your head? Who could? Some people would tell you not to snoop, I prefer the truth even it's served cold. I can't tell you what to do. Is it undeniable evidence or something with an easy loophole?

W has professed to me that her 1st husband had an affair on her and she would have respected it more it he had been open and honest,yet years later here she is doing that exact same thing while acting like the "perfect mother"

Yes, but in her case it's 'different' (in her mind). In the first marriage it was 'his' fault and he had no reason to do it, in this one it's your fault and she has a 'right' to do it. How could she do what she's doing if she didn't rationalize her behavior?

Ive been puruseing thease boards enough to wonder how many success stories there really are. Seems to me there arn't very many when I look at the community as a whole.

From my experience, not many successes at 'saving' their marriages. Plenty of success stories of people who have saved themselves.

Im extremely depressed and she acts as if everything is all wonderful she giggles and chats excessivlly (cell phone addict) is she a better actor or could there actually be ANY guilt for what actions she has taken OM in her head. I watch,watch,watch and dont see anything.

You can't know what's going on inside her even if she told you. She may be lying.

Let me ask you this - if you found out she was feeling some guilt, but everything remained the same, how would that somehow benefit you?

I cannot float this house myself with what I make,But as steady has recomended...do I ask her to leave(boundaries)

What can you 'float'?

Continue to bite my tongue and be a laughingstock in town.

Because that's a really attractive trait in a man.

This is a woman that seems to have absolutly no remorse at all for anything. What drives aperson to be that way MLC? This whole thing is killing my right now because i am a person who seeks to understand

You won't understand. You can't understand. If you could you would either have done what they are doing or doing it yourself. Everything that person has experienced in their lives drives them to be this way. They really don't have a choice if you can swallow that. Just like you don't have a choice to completely put the whole situation behind you, stand up with courage, command respect (you can't demand it)... at least not yet.

Somebody, somewhere would look at you in your situation and asks themselves - "What a drives a person to sit there in that situation and totally enmesh themselves in a situation that's obviously crushing them?"

Your W didn't 'fall out of love' with you. That statement is a crock and it doesn't exist.

What people call being in love, in my opinion, is being attracted to you. Love is a completely different animal.