In the talk my wife and I had this week, I probably asked too many questions that allowed her/I to plan out our return home, her job, precipitating her separation. But it was necessary due to logistics. I don't want to ask so much she is forced to lay out a plan which she will then follow through on, but some things simply have to be planned for such a big change / early move back.
As we calmly had a discussion about how we were both feeling, she made clear to me that there was no choice we had to move back this year for the school needs of our S5. Because of this "stake in the ground" I have no choice but to start making some firm plans. That led me to ask some questions about what does she think plans for her/us are? That is when she laid out her plan to go home, enroll the kids in school, get her job lined up, and move into her own place. She said "that is what I was thinking" in a kind of uncertain manner. Almost like she wanted to see my reaction, but a bit unsure if this was still her plan also. I asked what kind of place and she said a rental place. I did not blow up, did not react, just listened, and we briefly discussed some logistics that she was going to contact the guy about her job, and I would wait for that timing before I told them anything at my work. Because of my early departure, they will have the help find me an appropriate role back home now, and also we have to arrange to cover the 2nd year of my job here.
I still hope that through her suggested MC for us, that she changes her mind about moving out. I also hope that if she does still insist to move out, that we can agree on a healthy separation with rules, such as neither of us seeing other people. I can do all of this. If she refuses that rule, that is the final answer then. We will see.
So for now, I am back on the wagon of living, doing what needs to be done for planning, but not to ask anything, or push anything until it is necessary such as her moving out.
One interesting thing. The MC we met with once we agreed was not good. During the one hour session he did not steer the conversation, rarely asked anything, and had asked us if we were in or out to proceed. Her individual counselor said this was wrong, and not productive to force couples in trouble if they are in or out, it forces the issue wrongly as opposed to just working on what needs to be worked on.
Should I find another MC for us when we get back, or is that too much pressure? She has one here where we live who speaks English - she is going to see this person first, and then see if they are appropriate for us together MC. I hope this person is, we really need some basic help.
