Another New Day 2

[Denver_2010]

Islander... Listen man, Truegritter is giving you the best advice that you will find anywhere on this board. Start listening to him... but not only listen, apply it... learn to live it. That's number 1.

Number 2... Have you read Divorce Remedy? Have you read the part on the Last Resort Technique and the part that addresses what to do when your S is having an A??

I ask these questions because it doesn't seem to me that you are practicing divorce busting. You came here for a reason, but you have to apply the principles. You will continue to spin your wheels until you start doing that.

I don't know everything by any means, and you can dismiss what I am saying if that is what you choose. It is your life and your M. But you have to begin to do the following, and begin NOW:

1. STOP pressuring and pursuing your W!!!! When you ask her to do something, ANYTHING, it is pursuit and it is pressure. That is a fact.

2. Stop initiating contact with your W. Your very first goal should be to get her to start initiating contact with you. That will NOT happen as long as she knows that it will only be minutes, hours or days before she will hear from you. SHE HAS NOTHING TO MISS.

3. Stop trying to be anything to or for your W... BE THE ROCK FOR YOUR MARRIAGE... that is it. You think that going dark on your W was making it easier for she and OM?? Continue trying to be her friend and see how easy you make it for she and OM. As long as she knows that you are just hanging in the wind... there is no reason for her to end that R.

4. Be the BETTER MAN... the better option. This means being kind, polite and appropriately accommodating with your W when she contact you or when it is about your D and SD. It means being strong in the face of what she is doing to the M.... being the Rock. It does NOT mean inviting her to church or to plays. If you want to go to church great... she knows that you go. If she wants to come along, she knows how to reach you.

5. Realize that your only choice is to wait this A with OM out. Detach and as Paul McCartney wrote "let it be" ... I hate to say this, but you have to do the things that I just listed and let your W and OM's R become just that... a R. We all know that R's are hard and that problems develop the more serious that they become. Let OM be the only person that she has to rely on... don't give her that option B as an outlet. Problems will develop in their R... You can be there when it fails if that is what you decide to do.

6. Detach. Do it with love... with the idea that you love your W unconditionally and want her to be happy. But do it to save yourself emotionally.

7. GAL... dude, you have got to begin to do somethings that make you happy individually.

I know that i'm not being warm and cuddly with this post Islander. And I know that I'm saying some of the same things that I've said to you multiple times. But I think that you need a 2x4. Sorry.

I am still pulling for you man. I want to see you succeed with this. But you have to start listening to MWD and the advice that you are getting here on this board.

BITS
Denver