My atty is preparing a settlement offer. I assume her's is too. not sure though. She's been out of town with her students since Wed. Returns tomorrow.
So I've been enjoying March madness, hanging out with the kids. I've been neglecting the chapel lately, need to get back. I guess when you feel better, your need to pray diminishes. But it's lent, so I am going to fix that.
Still tempted to "hate" at times, what did gritter call it? - bittersville? But I catch and restrain my thoughts.
That's all for now.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
She told me yesterday we have a hearing in April and a court date in June. But I haven't heard from my atty to confirm.
I'm hoping we have things wrapped up well beforehand.
Pickle
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Nothing really "new" or earth shattering to report. I talked to my atty Thurs. 3/24. She's drafting a settlement proposal and a parenting plan. I'll get to review it before she does anything with it.
This past WE was a 4 day WE for W and kids. D17 spent Fri-Sun with BF's family at their beach house. S12 spent Fri-Sun camping with boy scouts. W took off out of town in her car Fri and will be back today. I had a relaxing couple of days, did some house projects and enjoyed march madness. I could get used to this (W being gone).
I'm thinking by the end of April D could be all said and done.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I've been trying to continue my lenten activity. So I made stations of the cross again Friday.
It really is uncanny how one can identify with Christ's passion sometimes. I know my struggles are not physical, but on an emotional level, the feelings of betryal, of having to drink an "undesrved" cup, praying "My god why have you allowed this"; they all resonate, in vivid clarity.
Again I visited the adoration chapel yesterday. I was actually feeling a little tight about W returning from her trip. And I felt God confirming what I have felt about coming off the coaster; I'm rising again.
I also sensed that W is still on a downward slope and far from the light at the end of her tunnel. Things are going to get harder for her; she's been emotionally torn, but it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm beginning let go of the resentment and to feel some compassion, 'cause she's a mess. I think even the kids sense it.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
InAPickle - I have often felt through this situation a very similar thing. I have learned to love like God - even you are not loved back. I think it's God molding and shaping us to be like Him. I have definitely seen the parallel! - jbnati
Atty sent the parenting plan - mostly standard stuff - only really applies when we physically seperate. I showed it to W. We'll check some things off and agree on some things and send it back.
A little Sunday morning rambling:
In a way I am actually looking forward to the S, but won't force the issue for the sake of S12. At least she'll be gone for spring break. She's doing a "City Slickers" dude ranch thing with a GF - part of her bucket list.
In all our years, she never mentioned specific things she wanted to experience, other than travel to certain places. In 2007 we did visit China and Hong Kong, walked the Great Wall and the Forbidden City, also went to London and Paris, climbed the Eiffel Tower, of course that was when the economy was strong and before two pay cuts.
Now she has a bee in her bonnet about shoveling horse manure, and who knows what else. Couple that with her EA/PA with a married creep and you have a full blown MLC.
I've gotten past much of that though; I don't even get angry anymore - that would mean I still care. My only love for her now is for a lost soul caught in a trap, and I hope she gets to the other side one day. Other than that, this is not the same person I married. I'd hesitate to rush back into any R with this person. So much for compassion.
She has forsaken her vows, her faith, our common friends, my whole side of the family (with whom we went to China and Paris) and followed the same path as her own mother, a path for which she despises her. I cannot imagine givng up all those things and being of sound mind.
I am so glad I have my son and daughter - I appreciate them more, if that were even possible.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Went to state mandated co-parenting class with W tonight. 4 hours - grueling.
Got my atty's settlement offer. I've got some tweaking to do to it. But I think we can work things out.
All inidications from W are that she still wants the D. Trying like crazy not to go to bittersville. W still pushing buttons. But I'll make this work. Worried about S12 Co-habitating as a divorced couple will be the hardest thing I will ever do. But for the sake of kids I will make it work
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Sitch update: Sent the parenting plan and settlement offer back to my atty. She'll send it to W's atty and we'll go from there. Have mediation scheduled for 4/21. I don't think we'll have things wrapped by then to avoid it. But I'm hoping we can go in there and leave within minutes.
Went to confession last night. Had to confess my fantasies about bad things happenting to OM, you know, like seeing him through crosshairs! Fr. said I need to pray for the power to forgive - everyone. That's going to be a tough sell, even though MWD says forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
But as I was meditating after completing my penance, I got a clear notion that W is not going to come through her journey avoiding any consequences and bumps in the road.
The thought occurred to me: "When you open a can of worms, you're going to get worms."
Then I began to feel a little sorry for her. Trying to not even think about OM at all. That's all I can manage for not - baby steps.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Fr. said I need to pray for the power to forgive - everyone. That's going to be a tough sell, even though MWD says forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
And it is.
We don't die from a snakebite we die from the venom.
"Hatred is the poison we drink thinking it will kill someone else."
Don't remember who said that.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Had a strange dream last night. I got a grey steel or pewter ring for my wedding finger.
I havn't been wearing my gold wedding ring since W filed for D, because W had it engraved on the inside, "Forever yours, W", right before we were married. I felt like it was wearing a lie.
Now as you Catholics know, unless I get an anullment, I'll always be married in the eyes of God and the Church (Matt 5:31-32). A couple of weeks ago a close friend of mine told me I should wear a wedding band, any wedding band, simply to attest to my faith and not send the wrong message to my children, the community and tempting single women out there.
Honestly, I am starving for some pleasant female company, but I wonder if God is telling me, to wear a ring.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
