Mila, thanks for visiting. I think you summed it up well: I am doing about all that I can do. X-MIL's passing has added a lot of unknowns. Your FIL's passing may do the same in your situation as well.
Cas, thank you for seeing my glass as "half full". You are correct that if we can progress further we can address HX's anxiety issues in the future. Thank you my friend!
Angel, I have been following you thread when I have a chance. Lots of experienced folks posting to you. Thank you for sharing your info. Your comments add another puzzle piece. When X-SIL's H told me at the memorial service that X-SIL asked for a D 6 months into their M, it gave me an important clue. In the clinic the real anxious folks are very demanding and perfectionistic. These are my XH's most negative traits. He has many other positive traits that offset these behaviors.
I think these folks have difficulty ending R's because they are afraid of conflict. X-SIL kept telling me in our convo that she has always had trouble with conflict....it makes sense. They just can't withstand the kind of emotional response they have with conflict. Daniel Amen has a book about anxiety and depression. I'm going to try to find it to learn more.
BTW, last night's TT was just a game. I greeted XH with a smile and a big hug and talked to him about how wonderful it always was to be greeted by his mother's smile and hug. I told him that that was why I was greeting him this way. We didn't talk about much during play. I was getting frustrated, so I started smashing the ball hard. It was cathartic and I'm sure XH thought I was just racheting up my game.......No dinner last night. XH needed to work on taxes and had an early start this AM. I've been thinking that I have an opening now with GF#2 out of the picture, so I invited XH for a movie this weekend. He responded that his weekend was full except for Sunday afternoon..........I am continuing to feel my way "in the dark". Lots of thinking..........
