empowerment over, just had H pack his bags

[AntoniaB]

CanadianMrs., just wanted to say that it made my heart glow to think that something I said was helpful to you. I will be reading your posts to see how things are going, and I hope we can help each other through this difficult time. Hugs to you.

[canadianMrs.]

Antonia, I did print it out! Its on my fridge (A plus of not having H around!) I will keep you posted

On a side note, I think a good DB day so far. I find mornings hard, I don't know why. I got the kids off to school, then put the music on. That always helps. I went and made a calendar/schedule for when H has kids and e-mailed it to him. He texted me. I waited awhile to reply. We went back and forth for awhile, he even made me laugh. I told him that it was his lucky day because I was so busy figuring out what houses to go look at that my anger at him was low today. He thought that was funny. He offered to help me house hunt. I left the conversation at that. I talked to his mom today and she even said I sound really good (way better than H she said). Hopefully these days out weight the other.
Happy day to all!

[AntoniaB]

Oh there is actually a biological reason mornings may be hard! My doctor went over this with me. Has to do with cortisol in your system being either low or high (I forget which) and this causing feelings of jitters, especially since it is coupled with low blood sugar. When I was in the early months I had very rough mornings--just seemed emotionally more volatile then, and I started to make a point of getting up and immediately having some orange juice and then eating then and not waiting hours to eat. It made a huge difference in stabilizing my mood then. See if you couple the physiological stuff with the sense of "oh man, it's only the beginnign of the day and I have so much to process", it can snowball. So try to combat the physical part and it puts you emotionally in a better place.

[canadianMrs.]

What to you hear this!!

I had a great weekend with family and friends. Barely thought of H. I come home, H calls. We actually talked for an hour and it was a good talk, it was the real H not the alien.

Today I find out that H's trip for work is really a trip to LasVegas with OW. I have questioned him since the S about whether he was really going away for work. Of course he denied. Today he even texted to ask (again) if I would look after his work dog while he is away. How tacky is that!!!!
We have talked since I found out and he knows I am done with being friends. I can't be friends with a liar. I told him I have plenty of friends and he doesn't act like one. I know, not DB but I had had enough today.

[canadianMrs.]

Three days of no contact with H. I went to the lawyer to get the ball rolling. Then last night H calls to ask if he can come get his suit for a funeral. I agree. He ends up staying for a few hours, playing with the kids. At one point though, I see him cover his face with his hands, and then he goes outside for 15 minutes. This is from my guys guy H, who never shows emotion.
He leaves and then an hour later I get a call from him. He tells me he has ended it with OW. He apologizes for all the crap he has put me through and how I didn't deserve it, and he didn't deserve me. He is scared of the road ahead, but he wants to find the old H. I told him that despite everything, I would be there if he needed someone to listen. He said that means a lot to him and that he knows he doesn't deserve my kindness. I told him no he doesn't, but I to want to see the old H.
I still have a hard time believing all this, and told him so. He says he knows he has a long journey back, and he may never be the same in some peoples eyes. I told him he also needs to watch out for those who do care about his best interests, and those who don't. The ones who do are the most hurt right now, but those are the ones who will love him in the long run.
Time will tell how this pans out. It was a very emotional conversation.

[BeingMe]

Oh MC, I am so thrilled that there is movement ... just take care now not to see too much in this. If he's in MLC, he could change tomorrow.

[canadianMrs.]

BeingMe, you were so right. One day I would see the man who wants to change back and another the MLC'er. I have to detach. When found out about OW I also found out that they had planned a trip to Las Vegas, for this week. Since "ending it", H swore up and down the trip was off too. Well, yesterday was the day he would have left, and he is now MIL. No calls to the kids, not returning their calls etc. His parents can't reach him. He has a work cell and he can't use it on trips because of the roaming fees billed to his employers...so I think he lied to everyone once again. I know I have to detach but how do you protect your children. D10 is not doing well with all of these ups and downs. It is heartbreaking to see what he is doing to them.

[canadianMrs.]

(I should have put MIA in the last one)

Still trying to detach. I just read MHL's reply to tadpole and I agree that I feel worse after I've seen H (or talk to him). Nothing he says give me any comfort of closer, and I still have lots of anger. I really need to stay away for my sake. In 8 weeks I am moving back to my home town. I'm building a new house. A fresh start and I can't wait. I find when I'm back home for weekends I feel free and barely think of H. As soon as I'm back in the town we currently live in, all those angry/sad/analyzing feelings come back.
I've been good though. All this week when H has called to talk to the kids, he has asked them if I want to talk to him and I've nicely said no. This is the longest we have gone without talking...in 18 years! Again, my question is, how to we help out children through this. My D(amost 10) is having a hard time. The devoted dad she knows is no longer.

[canadianMrs.]

MLC mind games at their best. Yesterday H brought over a Mother's Day card, signed "Love H". Strange. Then I find out later in the night he has blocked me from our savings and line of credit. (We were still in talks to work all that out). Then, just an hour ago he shows up to "borrow" a tool. He lives 30 minutes away. I'm sure he could have found a wrench closer? Anyway he stays for 30 minutes longer. I was editing pictures on the computer, and he basically just leaned against the wall watching me and trying to make small talk. I just kept doing my own thing. The other day I said (on here) that I was 95% sure I wan't to divorce. That money thing put it up to 100% today. It not even about the money. Its about worrying more about himself then the kids and I. Plus it was sneaky. I had to find out for myself (the story of the last 9 months with him). On Friday we had just talked about how he feels out of the loop with our kids because he only gets info about them from them, not me. I told him if he starts being straight with me, then we can work on talking more. On a good note, I have bought a new house and I now have a count down until I move back to my home town.

[canadianMrs.]

Bascically, the last 2 weeks I have seen my old H more and more. He has been over 12 out of 14 days. A couple times he came over when the kids were in school "to borrow something" but would linger and try and get a conversation going. I could feel he wanted to say more or have me say more. He has been more involved with the kids. When I do call/text him about the kids, he respons right away. He has been doing little chores around the house when he is here, without me asking. Friday he came to pick up the kids and we ended up standing in the yard for over an hour talking. He told me that he never had feelings for OW,she was more like a security blanket. He really did think he was working on our M, but realizes now you can't with a 3rd person. He says he is filled with regret and guilt, and he knows the aftermath is not over. (The kids & I are moving to our home town in July). H has to stay for now because of his job, but he has told me 3 times in the last week he is looking to transfer. A few months ago that was never an option with him.
So I'm seeing progress, but he doesn't seem to understand fully why he let is happen, go on as long as it did, the lies, or why he couldn't tell me when I gave him lots of chances. I did get more answers this time, then I ever have though.
Friday night he texted me to tell me he misses me. Last night after talking to the kids he asked to talk to me, and just asked about my day.
I'm so confused. I feel myself getting my guard down. I know I still have to move. To much has happened here, and I've never been happy in this town. I need to go home to get my life back. On the other hand, do I let H back in? Now? Later? Do I say anything or I just continue to see what happens? I've always been the one to do "temperature readings" for our R. H is not a talker and not good at expressing his emotions. I feel the ball should be in his court, but knowing him, he wouldn't know where to start.