Letting go is hard to do!

[Seminolewind]

So I have been away for a while! Actually staying away has cleared some of the fog from my head. The good news is that I have been keeping up with several people I like reading the posts and watching their progress some give me ecouragement and others well I hate this roller coaster also. Country keep your head up buddy and life will get better! We have so much in common it's crazy.

A little update. I have been dark with the exception of my kids. The W has totally fallen off her rocker. My D17 seems to be acting more mature than her mother. Well my divorce has been all filed except one little thing, my retirement. I made her an offer and she has not declined it nor accepted the offer. That has been going on for about a month or longer. I don't really care she only has another 30 days until the Judge will decide for her. That's actually a good thing and it's going to be in my favor because I gave her all the equity in the home. I think I found out last night why she started dragging her feet. It seems the OM according to my D17 is really judging my W and the W thinks he is about to dump her. Well I have asked my girls not to talk to me about their mom and the OM unless it's something I really need to know about. I asked my W not to bring the OM around the girls for their own well being at the start, she listened to me like any WAW would and keeps bringing him around anyway. The W is getting mad at the girls because she thinks I have been telling them to be rude to him. I can honestly say that I have not done anything like that and I refuse to get in the middle of this crap. I am going to talk to my W face to face for the first time in over a month tonight. My girls both have decided until their mom becomes their mom again they want to live with me. I am happy and I am sad at the same time. I wish she wouldn't have put the OM before her kids and I know she has always been a terrific mother until now. I have several things documented about being drunk, fighting with the girls, forgetting to come home from OM house on school nights and the girls missing school because of that. My D11 said her sister is more of a mom than her mother is at this point. These things have fueled me even more to be the best dad possible. My D11 said last night that her mom was mad at her because she canceled a date to hang out with her and she decided to come to my house. Well I am sick of all the guilt trips and crap she is putting these girls through. I am prepared to fight for the girls and they really just want someone to be a parent to them. It's must be pretty bad when my MIL called me and asked me to get the girls out of the house. She said she would move 900 miles just to help me raise her grand kids because her D has been acting like a 17 year old party girl. So I think this might be a wake up call for my wife. I do have something funny the girls did to the OM the wife had made some brownies for the OM and was making the girls clean the house before he got thier, well my D11 told her sister watch this and she licked every brownie on the plate. My D17 told me this and I did all I could do to not laugh. I told the D11 that some day I might find someone to date and that she should really try and be nice. She looked at me and said well dad if you want me to be nice to her, make sure she is not an idiot! What do you say to that?

I myself have detached and I am fine with getting the divorce. I actually don't know if I would even try and reconcile my marriage right now. I have lost all respect for how she is behaving and just have a hard time thinking of all the crap she is pulling. I know I made mistakes during our marriage but I don't think what I did should come back this hard on me and the girls. Atleast they don't deserve this kind of behavior from their mom. I still love my wife and I am not sure that will ever die but I really don't think I like who she has become. The funny thing is I am calm now and not worried about talking to her about the girls. Heck they packed boxes last week telling her they wanted to move in with me and she told them how good she was going to be and boom same old behavior.

I would like to ask True, Jack, or anyone else if detatched with kids is where I am at right now or is this some other stage? All I care about is protecting them from the bull Sh!t she is doing. I think I actually started becoming a WAH at some point because of what she has done to the girls, is that possible?

That's all I have for now, good luck everyone.