found some psychic reading results that said that OM was not the answer and that she is going to get S14 counciling, that I was a crutch????
Did the reading reference the keyword crutch, or is that your term?
If, as you say, she takes the medium's words as written in stone, she will believe the part about OM not being the answer. Of course, in MLC she may twist that and deny it into a different interpretation.
But the part about you being a crutch is useful. Consider whether it meant that she uses you as a crutch or you act as a crutch to her.
Either way, you need to stop doing anything that may be interpreted as helping or rescuing—crutch behaviors.
Think of synonymous metaphors for crutch. If the reading used the term crutch, you may be able to verbally mirror the concept with a different metaphor. You will need to do it when the two of you are already having a conversation or some sort of communication—it cannot be out of the blue because it will seem odd. But she may feel that she can’t do things by herself and she may want to prove to herself that she can; she may feel you step in and take over; or she may feel that she lets or encourages you to step in and take over. None of that means you do or do not do that; it’s about her perception.
But validate the feeling by acknowledging that either you have been a crutch—but use a different metaphor to avoid a you read my reading red flag, or that she needs to be able to figure some things out for herself. Say it in a positive manner. If you phrased it you need to stop… that would be accusatory and it could set her off. Instead phrase it as support and encouragement to venture out and be independent.
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I’ve been perusing these boards enough to wonder how many success stories there really are. Seems to me there aren't very many when I look at the community as a whole. I’m extremely depressed and she acts as if everything is all wonderful she giggles and chats excessively (cell phone addict) is she a better actor or could there actually be ANY guilt for what actions she has taken OM in her head.
Well, success it what you make it and there are a lot more overall success stories than simply the rebuilt marriage variety. But I know what you mean. Do you think the reconciliation stories stick around? It would be nice and some do, but most are not here because they are with their spouses rebuilding their marriages. Most of the people who are here are here because they are in need of help. A few are here to give back—Jack3beans, Brandnewday (both in reconciled marriages). You may also find long-timers that are here and seem to still be in turmoil or they may seem bitter or angry and you will find some who have grown and found joy even as their spouses spin in crisis. MLC averages 2-7 years—and I think 2 years is rare. Most people are not going to Stand or wait around that long. Frustration is high. Some who are here feel desperate, some come because they get help with their anger and frustration and they come because this has become their home and their friends are here.
And does it really matter if other marriages don’t make it? Isn’t your marriage the only one that should matter to your situation? I determined that if the odds of reconciliation were 1% I would be in that 1%. I made it. Don’t let other situations determine your outcome.
You will get to the outcome by detaching and letting your MLCer be her own crutch. Let-Go so that she can fall down and learn to pick herself up from failure. The outcome you want now may not be the outcome you want later.
