Looking for BITS. I'm OnMyWay

[OnMyWay]

Well, that was interesting:

I came home from work where my WAW was waiting (she stays with our D in our home when I work evenings). I came in and gave her a big hug, with she reciprocating. Then we just sat and talked about a lot of stuff, including her counseling and her hopes/expectations of it.

Previously in our text volley, she had mentioned getting together for lunch or coffee to talk about what we were doing. I told her with our schedules, that would be difficult until she was out of school the end of May. She talked about her difficulties with financing school, etc. and was annoyed with my delay.

Then, I told her I was able to tell her exactly where I was. She asked me to go ahead. I told her I don't want to get a divorce. I told her, while I believe neither of us is ready, that I want our M back. I recognized that she didn't feel we could ever be the same again, and that I agreed with her, telling her I'd only accept better than that (more on this in a second) and that I believe our current M is actually "over." From where I stand now, I can clearly see other issues we've dealt with through out our M that it wasn't quite as good as we always assumed it was. In fact, I can see where there was lots of room for improvement and admitted I wished I'd of had a manual on M and we wouldn't be where we are now.

After, I asked her how she felt about all this. She said she knows this is basically how I feel, but there was something I said that struck her. That I said our M would have to be better. She felt that was something she understands and that she thinks she can be that person. That she can make that happen.

A victory? Perhaps, but I'm not expecting her home any time soon. I can see, as many others point out, if this is to happen, this will be a long process. However, I did tell her that I think she is worth it. I asked is she still wanted to go out for lunch. She asked, "What's the point, if this is where you stand." I simply replied, "It would be nice to simply have lunch with an old friend." I read on many other posts here on this board, "It's not over until I say it's over." Looks like I'm far from done!

Wonder what tomorrow night will bring when I see her again. I think I've already made as much progress as I can make, so I'll lay low unless she initiates something. Friday night, we will all be together, family-like, for a school carnival. I'm really looking forward to it, as it is the first time since her move out. Plus, I need the practice in handling myself in this new situation with the added stresses of our R in a public setting with screaming kids. Plenty of DBing opportunities for me there, I'm sure. Gotta keep my head on straight.

I can use all the help/suggestions I can get if anyone cares to chime in with words of encouragement. Plus, any criticisms for what I've done here?

It's late. G'nite BITS, I'll look forward to you 2x4's in the morning.