Please be careful making decisions that you aren't ready to live..
Are you ready to not be married ?
I am intellectually and logical ready to not be married yes. The emotional connection to her part is where I am not ready, but rapidly working on it. I decided this morning to put my ring back on.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
This tells me that you aren't.... Maybe you can just be for a while..
With all that is going on with planning to go home, planning for her to move out, her solidifying her job, and me having all these emotions and having to see her every day is preventing me from just "being". I cannot yet just be at the point of living empty which is what "just being" is to me.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Just learn to be you again, without having it be one way or the other.....just for you
Does your marital status define who you are way down inside ?
What does define you ???
Thoughtful questions: I AM defined alot by marriage. Not only in a societal sense, but also in my emotional sense to my wife. It's not that I don't know who I am anymore, it's just that a huge part of that is being with her and being married both. I must add, that being where we live for now, it is VERY tough to find myself and be who I want to be. Most of my friends, all of my family, and most of the things I like to do with my life in free time OTHER than with my family, are back at home waiting for us. Being in this place makes things so much harder. At home I would have that support structure, my church, places to go, friends to see, and things I like to do. None of those things are really feasible here. Which is why I am not so hurt we are going back early. With all that has happened I hate it here.
But since you asked, without her, I am still a father, a mentor to my children, someone who has friends, hobbies, and things I enjoy no matter married or not. Yes these all sound great and I try to remind myself, but still getting to that place as I am not there yet.
Journal for today: I AM LETTING GO. To make it through this phase, and to find myself, I am moving on from her. In my mind, I no longer have a wife in spirit. I have a woman who lives in the same house as me with whom we jointly raise the kids. I must not care for her, not love her, and not be attracted to her. Any hope or emotional connection I keep just hurts too much and prolongs the pain. My ability to remain connected while she goes through this has been reached.
I still have some hope, I still know we could have a great different marriage. But in the meantime, I AM moving on. In a few months we will move home, she will get her own place to live. The kids will be split between two homes. The rest is unsure.
