Sadly it has become more common for girls to cut. I think it’s a mistake to minimize it because little so-and-so is doing it “just because” or to get attention. Having said that, I get why he might need to (minimize it), if that’s really what he’s doing. He may not be, just exploring the possibilities verbally and hoping it isn’t really serious for her.
The thing about cutters is we never really know their intentions. My D had told both me and her counselor that it was an externalization of the pain she felt inside (my paraphrase). That she wasn’t suicidal. Until she was.
I don’t say this to scare you. I know you’re scared enough. Things can spin out and life gets messy really quick sometimes. We just have to be aware.
[q]H wanted to come but because D had told me she did not want H to know, I did not bring H. I don't want D to further not trust me. [/q]
I think she needs to understand that something this serious will not be kept a “secret” from her Dad. I get the trust thing and I think it could be worse later for her to find out than if you put it out there now. I would go with whatever the therapist says though. She’s the pro.
I know you don’t want to pressure him. It’s really up to him how he internalizes this. At one point I told my H that I knew this wasn’t his fault and it could be happening no matter what. Don’t walk on eggshells, but don’t be mean or vindictive. Easier said than done, I know.
To find me on the alt search Divorce Busting when you’ve logged into facebook, then search my name, Grace_O. I should pop up.
[q]I will just go ahead as though he is going to be flaky and not the strong parent. I have to replace D's preconceived notion of myself as the weak parent with a show of strength.[/q]
Absolutely be strong, for your daughter and yourself. I treated my H as if he wouldn’tflake. He doesn’t talk to me or the counselor about it, he does his best to have D talk with him. So, I don’t think he has flaked on her.
