Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Hi Grace,

It is tough, and it really calls for me to stand up to the stresses, not give in, especially as I see that my D sees me as weak.

So H read the printout, and the next day he commented that it was a common occurrence that female adolescents cut. I can see that he is still trying to minimize it in his mind. he has not actively done any research about it, and this bothers me, as he is a researcher and things that interest him he really searched for. Obviously he is not going to look at something which will cause him pain.

I said yes, it is because it is more common that kids get stressed now. He knew I talked to D, he asked me why she did it, I told him about how she wanted to control her own pain. We talked about how different it was for a friend of ours who cut with intent for suicide.

Many things were left unsaid but really, I don't have to explain it. Of course no matter what I say, there will be the non-verbal blame. I can't do anything about that, he has a right to know what is happening to his D, and he asks about it.

I slowly introduced the why's to him, I told him D has thought about if for a couple of months now, and that she has been carrying her pain since summer (when the A started).

I brought D to the therapist today. She was able to get her to talk this time - I did not go into the room. She talked to me afterwards. She told me D is taking the family situation badly, and that we should be vigilant and remove sharp objects from the home, anything that could make D harm herself. She is very unstable at this time, is just good at hiding it. She feels she is the only strong one at home, the roles are reversed. She is dealing with drama also among her friends, which is normal for her age, but instead of having family to turn to, she has no one. Both her parents have betrayed her trust.

H wanted to come but because D had told me she did not want H to know, I did not bring H. I don't want D to further not trust me.

H called right away, after I dropped D at school.He wanted to know what happened. I just told him we'll talk later, but I said that not to leave her alone (as you said!) and to start removing sharps at home. I also just said that she is having a hard time, more than we could see. I think he got a little unnerved with what I told him. He picks her up normally then leaves her alone to go to the gym. No more doing that.

I then said we'll talk later, cause I want to think of how best to say things. I am sure he will try to dig and ask more questions. I don't want him to feel pressured though so what do I say?

As for how I am reacting to this: For today, I have already gone through the anger stage, called a few people to vent, and now am slowly getting back my equilibrium. For a while there I just let the stupidity of the man who calls himself a Dad get to me....thoughts about what I would doto him if our D did something to myself went through my head...shed a few tears and yelled in the car....got it off my chest to s afew dear friends....

Time to be the model mom for my D.


By the way Grace, couldn't find you on the alt. Maybe I don't know how to.