It's been quite sometime since I posted here, but those of you that have read my saga know that I posted about every 10 minutes over the past few years...from 2005!
I had a horrible ending to a 20 year marriage, and emotionally fell apart as bad as anyone could, not ever imagining that "life has a way of leveling out"
Well, 5 years later and I could not be any different or happier. Got remarried to a wonderful woman in November 2010, bought a new home, and things are great, with the exception of XW's constant need to continue to come out of left field with stuff that “I owe her”, such as 57% of a $20 medical co-pay.
I just paid $1500 extra for D20’s college tuition, because it was due, and XW did not pay what she should have.
She has the need to not let go. I put out $1500 I didn’t need to, and expect nothing in return, because I want nothing to do with her, but she can’t leave me alone.
I bought S12 a new bike. He loved it. He took it home to her house. Within one day she caught him without a helmet, confiscated the bike and “put it some place where he can’t find it” (i.e. at her smarmy boss’s house that she had the affair with while I was in Iraq!)
She bought him a new lacrosse helmet for his birthday, and promptly told him that he could not wear it until he brought home his clothes from my house (because “she can’t supply clothes for two households”….even though she gets $3000/month from me) So there he was, trudging off to XW’s house with two pairs of underwear, a pair of socks and a pair of khaki pants.
I bought him $100 worth of new clothes the next day. If the bike doesn’t reappear, I’ll get him another one! She insists that he call her every night when he is with me, and gives him a ration of sh&t if he doesn’t, even though I pay for his cell phone.
She is such an embarrassing control freak.
Q: “What’s the difference between a Rotweiler and FLTC’s XW?”
A: “Even the Rotweiler eventually lets go!
Even though I am extremely happy and lucky with the soft landing I eventually got, there is a part of me that is still so PTSD’d out from divorce that I think it will take years to be fully “normal”, if I ever get there. I love my new wife to death, but there is a part of your soul that is surgically removed during divorce that doesn’t seem to be able to regenerate.
It is not just you. I still have lingering anger. As you know - my ex was a horror as well. Not as nitpicky as yours - but a cheap, nasty jerk just the same.
It is 10 years since my Ex's affair and soon it will be 10 since our split. Only in the past couple of months have we begun to talk again a bit but that is since our oldest son nearly died and was comatose for 2 weeks then I had to tell him I'm moving away. That does provoke some conversation.
Your ex is absusive to the kids. That behaviour wreaks of it. I'm not sure if there is anything you CAN do, other than to try to soften the blow and be the safe place they can escape to. It saddens me that she uses your son as a pawn in the little game of control.
Enjoy your happiness. You deserve it. Build on it. Focus less on her and maybe she'll go away. At least you know you will have less to deal with when the kids are finally grown.
My ex has been relatively easy to deal with - but even he has the need, upon occasion, to contact me about little nothing things. I believe it's a way to touch base. They really don't think we'll move on and seem shocked to discover we do!
(And just one side note - I would have done the same as her about the riding without a helmet. My best friend's husband is in a nursing home with a brain injury from riding his bicycle without a helmet.)
Welcome back. Just when you're at your high point emotionally, they stick their hand out of the water into the boat like Freddy Kruger!
I agree about the helmet, but as usual, xw is off the hook with her response. She transported the bike to her paramour's house about two weeks ago, never mentioning when she'll give it back.
Cori's ex is a freakshow like your ex too and we solved it by having his daughter have things that stay at our house and don't transport back and forth. She has clothes and toys and books and bikes and everything else at our house that we get her. If she wants to bring something to her mom's we let her mom know thst she would like one at her house. Anything nice that we have sent to her mom's house for her, her mom sells...
It is unfortunate but it is what it is
Aubrey is old enough now to even ask if she can just keep things at our house (her home she calls it even though custody has gotten switched around which we are currently dealing with again) because her mom will throw it away or sell it if she brings it there
When I read these posts I appreciate my ex for being half way decent. It's been 4 years since we have been apart and for the most part I can carry on a conversation without crying. LOL. Of course, it's been easier since I moved to a different state. I never had to deal with my daughter going back and forth because I believe she only spent one weekend with her dad and his girlfried. He was always prompt with child support, but hasn't helped since she turned 18. He is the one missing out on a relationship with his daughter and grandson.
FLTC, how are your girls? Your new wife has a child or children, doesn't she? Is that part going ok?
S13 was with me this past weekend. I live twenty minutes from XW.
He had lacrosse practice in town where xw lives, so I took him. His little buds text him asking if he wants to "go downtown" after practice" and ride bikes.
She told him his bike would be available after practice. We show up at 1230, there it is in the driveway.....in all it's ramp-jumping, "Cliff Hangar", "Hart Attack", ride 40 mph glory. Just sitting in XWs driveway.
Uh..uh....uh! NOT SO FAST!!!!!!
Before he can take it, there's one trick:
Because it is MY weekend, when he's done riding for the day, rather than being allowed to bring the bike back to her house,which is where he lives, she instructs him that "Your father must take the bike back to his house"...(because .....it's MY weekend, and I "Must be Held Accountable")
Mind you. His friends live by XW. I live on a street with 90 degree hills and no kids.
She expected me to take the bike in my trunk to my house for Saturday evening and Sunday, but I would be allowed to return it on Monday morning. Can you say CONTROL FREAK?
I told S13 I wasn't doing that. Period. If he wanted to stay and ride, he would have to follow the Law of Natural Consequences". I would not participate in this ridiculous game.
He chose to ride and return the bike to XWs house at 4:00PM Saturday, at which time I picked him up and took him to hockey tryouts. She wasn't home. She was picking up "Grandpa/Boyfirend". He merely put it in the garage, and off we went.
Sure as S&it: He called me this morning to tell me that XW had taken his bike because "Your father did not take the bike to his house like he was supposed to".
It's all about "Holding me to the standard"...my weekend....my house.....never the two shall meet.....his house on my weekend...oil and H2O!
Pity.
Mattie:
My wife has two girls who are the same ages as my 2 girls, and they knew each other from years ago. We're in the process of finishing the basement in our house for when they descend on us from college in 6 weeks. That part is great. Fortunatley my wife knows what a psych case XW is.
It didn't help that S13 asked new wife to be his mother on Facebook and XW found his page and lost her sh*t. No reflection WHY he might have done that. Just her usual lashing out. Two kids destroyed....one to go.
I concede, FLTC - your wife takes the cake. Not one thought about your son's feelings in all of this. Just more shots at you. She seems to have regressed to about a Grade 2 level.
I would not want to win the prize for having the craziest ex.
The good news is that it won't go on forever - your son will grow up and you can finally stay out of the drama. The bad news is that she is scarring your son for life no doubt.
Focus on your new life and keep showing your son the kind of man he should aspire to be some day.
Hugs for all you're going through and wishing you stamina to continue.
Thanks for re-affirming my thoughts. She is one unhooked human being.
She still needs to control me or at least think she can....that's all this is about!
just go away with GRANDPABOYFRIEND! (He'll be 65 this year, she just turned 50. He looks 90!)
Hey Frank! Are you divorced? I acutally remember when you and I talked on the phone about 4 years ago before I went to Iraq! Hope you're doin' well, brother.
