What to do next

[JustStunned]

Hello Being ME, thank you for your recent post. Responding to your post from 3/28 again. There is a possibility another family member may be able to assist me retaining the house. I am motivated to do so, but not to the extent I will risk others assets. Much of this depends on the structure of the disillusionment agreement.

The only R I am interested in is a new one with W. I have accepted the old one is done. I have accepted W is done. I need to be done, healed and improved myself before I will be fit for another R with someone new. I am not done. I am not healed. I am still working on me.

I am very much trying to get to a place in the here and now where I can gather strength for the coming months/years. I am very willing to work on a new R with W, but she needs to want to. She needs to address her issues and part in this sitch. I understand to heal she needs to address what caused her to run away from home. She ran away multiple times between 16 and 18 yrs old.

W is marching to the drum beat of her inner child. The conversations she has with family that gets back to me indicate she is still repeating her manta of being a victim, at the hands of her mother as a teenager and all through the years of our marriage. That she is finally whole and happy.

I am working on what I have identified as my part in this. As I work through me I am finding additional things that need to be addressed. This experience has called into question aspects of the stories I heard from W about her mother and the reasons she ran away from home. I am not the evil monster I am sometimes portrayed as. The stories change between family members. I suspect the changes depend on the feedback W receives, but this is speculation.

Two of my SILs younger than W have always disputed evidence of their mother’s abuse of W. The older SIL would only say she was not abused, but could see how W would perceive abuse. This is over years of W attempting to enlist their support vilifying her teenage experiences. She is my wife and I stood beside her through all of this, and her mother has serious problems lending credence to her claims.