Originally Posted By: Country_Song
PEI, I have seen how thoroughly you have gone back through my sitch. How does my particular sitch affect my actions? How do I reconcile being there for her more, since I wasn't in our M, to all of the other DB strategies?

I'm going to reiterate Grit's thoughts here ... I no longer see DB as a strategy. I see it as a way of life, a set of skills and tools (check out thread in MLC called "To DB or not to DB, that is the question ...").

The question that really started me on my path came from J3B and he asked me:
Originally Posted By: J3B to PEI
He called you controlling any truth to that? Do you like that about yourself?

I answered it really honestly and although I rode the roller coaster and made (continue to make!) all kinds of mistakes, that really set me on my path.

I dug, I mean I REALLY dug. And sometimes I had to be pushed back in to the hole to dig some more. Acknowledging what you need/want to change in only step one, step two is consciously being different (Just Do It!) ... but the third and most important part of that process is digging out your WHYs. Without going inside and figuring out WHY you behave in a certain way, and dealing with THAT issue, you will always have to expend effort to maintain "changes". If you sweep out the skeletons you no longer have to hold the closet door shut.

I'm not the same person I was when I got here, and I will be eternally grateful for that smile ... if you have some time on your hands (zip it Mach and Grit) feel free to read up on my sitch. I'm warning you ('cause if I don't those clowns will), it's long.

As far as not knowing how to "do what works" ... well, only you can evaluate what that is. I know that's not the answer you wanted, but it's the truth. Right now, your best friend is TIME.

Peace
PEI

Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc