Standing up to the punches

[♪CS♪]

Re-read the book and you'll get your answer.



Hint: No

[spellfire]

Contacting her family = desperation and pressure.

Hold the line.

[sandi2]

Just speaking from personal experience, I would suggest you not contact your IL's.

No contact does not necessarily mean they are okay with any of it, but she is their daughter and when push comes to shove....she is the one they have to support. They may not like it or approve, but they may have already discovered that the only thing they can do is try to stay out of it....and they might think by not making contact with you will prevent further problems in their R with her.

It's kind of like when a man has to choose between his W and mother. It's his place to support his W but it's really hard if he doesn't agree with her.

In this case, you are the in-law, and no matter how much they love you and agree with you.....you will always be the SIL. If there is a D in the future, she will still be their daughter.

(hugs)

[Redo]

Thanks guys. Yea I guess my conversation with FIL will not achieve anything positive.

Somehow this past 2 weeks have been hard for me to GAL or carry on with my life. I guess one reason is that my parents left and i am back to being alone at home. Honestly i think another is my laziness and me watching netflix all the time....Gotta get my b*tt off the couch and head outside the house.

[Still learning]

Mykarma,

Sounds like it would help to get out and involved in something that keeps you busy - sports, charity groups, school groups, etc. I found it hard at the start, but it really helped me.

[Redo]

Update....

For 2 days wife and I had been have email convo regarding child support. Wife wanted to put in decree that 20% of my bonus money that might get at my job also needs to go as part of child support payment. This was not part of the texas law. Now i was anyway planning on stashing a lot of my bonus money in a savings entity for my daughter's future. But that was not something my wife needed to know about.

So i thought she understood when i told her that yes i would be saving my daughter, but not with something where the decree actually mentions it. So wife replies back saying that she would not remove it from the decree. I emailed back saying that i'd then be forced to now retain a lawyer and fight her.

What hurts is that I restrained from using a lawyer till now because i thought that involving lawyers would increase the estrangement between us. Right now wife is leaving me no choice but to go that route. Why in the world should this happen???
I thought we were a decent family until december last year. I cannot believe wife is actually doing this. I agreed to almost everything she wanted. I guess now i'll fight her on everything. She has to know that she just cannot keep beating me down and i'll just lay down and take it.

sorry, had to vent out.

[Redo]

Yesterday evening was my time to talk to daughter. Usually wife is there with daughter during the conversation. She sometimes helps translate daughters words for me. That part is usually pretty lively and we do have fun. For the past week we also talk for about 1 min after that. Sometimes about the D process, sometimes just about daughter. Yesterday no one was at the phone. It was so hard having conversation with daughter because she just a lil kid who runs around leaving the phone behind. I think my FIL was trying to get daughter talking to me. Guess wife was upset with me standing up to myself on the whole bonus issue. Usually i would have just conceded and agreed. This time i did not concede and even told her that i'll retain a lawyer if needed. I have not heard back since then. Not sure what she is thinking. This whole thing is so unsettling. I never thought that i would be fighting with my wife like this in court.

[LITB]

Usually i would have just conceded and agreed. This time i did not concede and even told her that i'll retain a lawyer if needed. I have not heard back since then. Not sure what she is thinking. This whole thing is so unsettling. I never thought that i would be fighting with my wife like this in court.

Good for you Karma. You have to protect yourself.

I know the feeling about being afraid to make the situation worse by retaining legal counsel. Sometimes the WAS leaves us no other choice. It is a fine line trying to DB and get all of the other ducks in a row.

[Redo]

I cannot believe this is the same person who once said that whatever happens we should resolve to keep our marriage and that we should grow old together. What happened to all that???

I just really feel cheated right now. I know there is no OM. But still i feel cheated. I guess it is because i had this blind faith in my wife that she would always be fair as i am with her.

First off the whole divorce filing itself was a blow to me as it came when i was out of the country. I had no clue it was coming. In-fact a week before i left town we checked out schools for daughter for kindergarten and ballet. We also confirmed an appt with her new allergist in Feb-2011. We were actually planning all the details for her B-day which comes in Feb. So when wife calls up on Jan-3rd, the same day on which my grandfather passed away and tells me this new right after i tell her about the death of my grampa, I think i was in shock for several reasons.

One that she had to tell me this now and could not wait later?

What happened to all our plans we had just 1 week ago regarding daughter. Was that all fake?

How was she able to maintain out a calm and normal relationship with me until i left, while all the time behind my back she was actually consulting a lawyer.

I felt incredibly stupid for having trusted my wife that much. I let myself do that because i loved her so and for me she was above suspicion. Somehow my family kept telling me to be wary but i rebuffed them.

Right now my whole world of trust in people has just come crashing down. I guess there is a fine line in loving your wife and being smart and just plain loving your wife.

[Redo]

Journalling....

So i emailed my wife back the day before saying that if she pursues the bonus issue then she would be forcing me to retain a lawyer and that all issues would be back on the table.

So i get an email yesterday about some house issue. No response to the bonus issue. I reply and again bring up asking her what her response is on the bonus.

She emails evening and again clarifies the house related question. But completely ignores the bonus question.

I think very rarely have i ever stood up for myself like this and opposed her directly. It feels extremely weird and I feel very bad like i am hurting her. I mean i know that right now my wife is trying to fleece me, but still i have this incredible guilty feeling like i am abandoning her. I have to learn to recognize where i am digging a grave for myself first.

I think i'll consult a lawyer on monday as to what transpired till now and see what she suggests. Guess i'll end up retaining a lawyer....I hate this...