New and saying hello

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---------

I constantly wonder what he's doing or not doing.
I question if he's being honest, if he really does love me, if he really is being faithful.
All these "What If's" consume me!

I tell myself out loud "I can only control me" over and over again.
I honestly feel like I can't stop. No matter how many times I try.
I am self sabatoging myself, and that is what got me in this mess to begin with.
I pushed and pushed because I didn't have faith and I made my worst fear come true.

I have read the advice from wise DB's threads so many times I feel like I have them memorized.
Every time I read it I think "Yes! They are right! This is what I need to do!"

And then I don't.

I feel like someone who is struggling to lose weight. Eating a box of donuts and saying
"I'll start tomorrow."

My intentions are good, my emotions get the best of me.