If you have any contact with his family, I think you should make sure he knows through them of the confirmation, Then, if he doesn't go, it is entirely on him. He can't say, "She didn't let me go to my own D's confirmation" and play the victim.
I imagine most of his avoidance has to do with knowing everyone in church KNOWS. They dispise those situations. There is no getting around what they did, nor can they stand up and loudly proclaim how it was all our fault.
Take the higher road Goodfight. You'll have no regrets.
No his family hates me. They blame me for everything even blaming me that H didn't speak to them for 12 years. If you read my posts you'll see what happened when H wanted to come home and asked me to contact them. Now just 2 months after H saying he wanted to come home I got a letter today from his lawyer saying he is anxious in resolving the divorce matter.
I'm a mess. 2 days after he said he wanted to talk about coming home grid family got mad so he texted me saying the D will not be on hold, wants the house sold and it's over. I was like wth? He wouldn't answer my calls or texts when I asked what happened.
I just told Jon yesterday not to worry about getting D papers cause mine is still not going anywhere n I get this letter today. I'm such a mess I didn't go to work. My friend said it's cause after he wouldn't answer me I told him the door is no longer open for him. I have been Standing for my M for over 2 years now.
Do I tell him the door is still open? I'm so confused. When I left that message for him it was because I was angry and hurt cause within. 2 days he changed his mind. There is no OW but his family is way involved and they said I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I wasn't sure uabout getting M but they pushed me and now hate me. H is letting them mcall the shots and he just started to talk to them about 9 months after we separated.
I need advice. H called me back and said that he wants the divorce so he can relocate. He is afraid to be alone and this is the second time he said this soin e we separated. Also said he can't stand being around me so he's not going to D14 Confirmation and I said you went to your son's senior night and had to see your ex girlfriend and you always hated her and he comes off with well I get along with her. I can't believe this is happening. Just two months ago he was coming home. I did ask him what happened and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Then comes off with there was no trust n I said I don't know what happened to you but you never trusted me and I haven't even gone on a date since we have been separated n he says yeah right. Then he goes off telling me everything I did wrong in the M. I feel like I did when he first left. I don't know where to turn. Please help me.
I know I went agaist DB but I wanted to let H know that we still love him....following what I felt God was telling me to do. Cause I told H the door was no longer open for him and thought maybe he was pushing to finalize. The D because I was with someone or just didn't want him anymore.
Now I'm wondering if he is doing this because he sees no other way to fix all of the problems he has created by telling family and friends all of the lies about me and doesn't want to look like an a**. Sorry for going on and on but this is like when he first filed for D over 2 years ago....the pain and hurt.
Now he's even denying that he said he wanted to come home at the end of January. I've been praying this whole time and every time I thank God for a positive moment like yesterday I thanked God for H not pushing the D lately within a day or so whatever I thanked God for the bomb drops.
Don't respond to him at all. Concentrate on your kid's needs. Do you have a plan as to what you want in the event of a D?
Right now he's at that angry stage where you are the devil incarnate. No matter what you do, he will be angry about it. Take yourself out of the picture and don't respond to him.
Don't answer your phone, don't text, don't call, don't do anything but take care of your kids. If you have a list of things, you want, then send his L that and that's it.
Stay strong. You can do this.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I can't afford our home once the D is final because in my state the spousal stops so all I want is the money he owes me for paying the loans etc cause I have been paying them all by myself.
That's the reason I haven't tried to contact him cause I knew he was in the angry stage again since February. When he changed his number last May cause he was like this our D14 wrote him a letter and they ended up repairing their relationship so this time I think he thought she would do it again and when she didn't I think it made him angrier.
What I don't get Mr. Bond is why did he even call me back when I called and left a message at his work if he was only going to say hurtful things and make me cry?? He has said all of the above before like he can't stand being in the same room as I am in and then 3 weeks later he's. Texting me about helping me with the pool.
I tried to find your thread but I can't. Was wondering what your sitch is....
They say every sitch is different and I know mine is way different. My H is and always was a needy person as far as being loved. I thought we were doing the right thing by not contacting him but it's like it made him angrier ...... I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t
Try to be the good guy and do what I think God would want me to do only to be hurt some more. I'm as devastated as I was when this first happened. I guess because he wanted to come home 2 months ago and now this.
Calm down girl! You're as anxious as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. What, exactly, is it that you think you did wrong? It sounds to me he's as mixed up as he ever was, and still blaming you for the situation he finds himself in. As for his family, if he can't man up to them, you've lost nothing.
He is not only drawing you back on his roller coaster, he's tied you on and dragging you behind it. It he wanted to come home two months ago, and now denies it, what do you think would have happened if you had let him come home?
Mr. Bond is right. No contact is the best contact. Let him blow in the wind. How long before his family becomes sick and tired of his wishy-washy attitude? Go so dark you can't see your hand in front of your face. It will bring you peace and time for healing; allow your daughter some healing time.
If he wants to play drama queen, let him have the whole stage, but you don't have to participate. Set your boundaries, and be fierce about them.
You are in the room with a gut shot ape. Back away slowly to the door. (((HUGS)))
Thanks for writing back to me. How do you know so much and you are just at the beginning of this mess? You would think I knew more but I don't.
What I did wrong was called him at work and left a message and when he called me back I defended myself when he was saying how bad our M was when it wasn't. I should have never contacted him, I think I fell for his trick or whatever he wants to call it. I also told him that I was standing for our M and we still love him.
Whenever he gets angry he goes to his lawyer, I get a letter about him pursuing the D and get like you said anxious as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I mean I'm just guessing at why he does this, and now I'm really anxious because in the letter it stated he was anxious about resolving the outstanding D matter. He told me that he does want it finalized by June or July because he is relocating (if it is true), can't see him leaving his extended family. It just seems he is more determined now to finalize the D, I don't even know whether to believe this is a MLC or not anymore. I did say to him that just because a piece of paper is signed doesn't mean all the feelings go away and he went completely silent.
Am I glad now that he didn't come home, yes. He is still in a really bad state, he sounded worse yesterday and more confusing, like he couldn't stay on one subject than ever before but I told him when he wanted to come home we would have to take it very slow. He even told me that he had 7 more months left on his lease when he wanted to come home and I said, well, we aren't going to live together right away anyway, and I think it shocked him when I said it. I think he thought I was going to let him right back in again. But then again, he changed his mind because his family got involved, but he told me he changed his mind because there was never any trust and went on and on about how awful our M was.....if it was that awful then why would he keep me on this string for over 2 years now? Why want to come home 2 months ago? Why tell me how he hasn't been with any OW and only me since the separation? I think deep down he knows it wasn't a bad M but won't ever admit it to me.
I'm really sorry for acting so anxious Punkin, it's just that I always was an anxious person about everything my whole life and just when I was finally having some good weeks the bomb hits again. I asked God to show me a sign that he wanted me to stand for my M a couple of times in the past few weeks, and I must have passed H at least 6 or 7 times and each time it was a different time of the day. So I was really feeling so much hope and then I get the letter, so now I'm depressed again.
I have my good days and bad days like everyone here but it seems like I should be doing much better by now, and I also never in a million years thought that he would be gone this long.
Last year at this time he was talking about us dating and then a couple of days later he says he doesn't think it would be a good idea. He has me really believing I am a bad mother and such because our D14 is really out of control and he doesn't even know the half of it. My S20 has moved out and in with a girl that is no good and is only using him, he has lost all respect for me. S20's girlfriend has no respect for her parents or any adults and my S20 is acting just like her now.
It's just one big mess. Wish I could be as strong as a lot of other people on here. I don't feel sorry for myself at all, but I do feel like a failure at everything.
