From what I see on the boards, the SOP here is to reply to your own thread if you want to comment, ask questions and/or vent rather than start a new thread. Did I get that right?
When W dropped the bomb on 3/7 I was numb, devastated and in shock. I couldn't imagine life without her. Over the next few weeks, the pain of being cut out of her life was nearly unbearable.
4 weeks later, I'm keeping myself reasonably sane and healthy and feeling OK about it all, which seems unnatural. Last night I looked at my W as she spent another countless hour on the computer Skyping with her sister, surfing Facebook or playing Solitare. And I said to myself, "Do I really want to save this marriage if it will never get better than this?"
It seems premature to be thinking this so soon after our D-Day, but my initial feelings of panic and sadness have been replaced with apathy. I look at or think of my W and feel nothing; not anger, not hopefulness, not even love as I used to feel it. It's like I am the one with shark eyes.
Everything I have read tells me to give it time; 6 months seems to be the minimum I should be devoting to not making any major decisions. But if W has never loved me in the 9 1/2 years we have been married - her words - how can I believe that will change? 1 month, 6 months, a year...will it make a difference? I see many people here have been dealing with separations and trying to save their marriages for years. How do they find the strength and determination to endure that kind of pain and stress for so long? During our most recent discussion about everything I was very firm in telling her I would not remain in a loveless, passionless marriage. She replied, "I know."
Am I tearing up my ticket before the horse race is over?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
