After a very tough day yesterday sorting thing out in my head, I feel a bit better today.

I have decided to stop wearing my wedding ring. Not sure what I will say when she asks (she will).

I am considering moving into the spare bedroom.

I am continuing going to the gym 3 times a week, and eating healthy.

I am spending lots of quality time with my kids.

Last night she asked about my day, how was work, etc. She also saved some dinner for me (I went to gym for a planned missed dinner). That was nice, but I need to think nothing of it. I really need to be angry with her, and hate her. I need to not give a s--t about her. I wish I could separate her as the kids mother from my feelings of her as a wife, but I can't, so I have to shut her off completely.

I need to disconnect from here in these ways (which I have not done yet): Not be attracted to her. Not want to spend time with her. Not feel the emotional pull of her. Genuinely not care what she is doing, or who she is emailing. Not feel that feeling in my gut when I know she will eventually be with someone else. Not be connected at all to her other than for logistics of living in the house.

This way of disconnecting is super hard as you know because she has all the characteristics of a woman/wife/companion/mother which I want. Long term goals, child raising, free time activities enjoyed, and all that. She has the body of my ideal woman. To make it even harder, today she just looked so perfect. Tighter denim above the knee skirt, nice dressy hoodie, and pony tail. It sounds silly, but if I could dress her in my favorite outfit, this would be it. She knows it too. Also, it is not something she would have worn 6 months ago (skirt).

One last DB thing: The other night, we were talking about our timing to return home (and for her to find a house and move out). I was not discouraging. I am continuing to work with her actively to arrange our going home timing, almost pushing the agenda. I don't know if this is giving her pleasure, or realization on my side it is inevitable and over. It is not only for her to want to go home to move out, it is also because the schools here are not good for my son, and we need to get home to our school at home for his needs (starts in August).

What is unclear to me, is when we move home, she has her job secured, and is moved out into her own house, what then? One hand she says she wants to do MC when we get home, but on the other hand, she simply is convinced that the things she needs, I simply can never provide, and she wants to move on. She said she would not see anyone (opposite sex) while we were living together. Short version, as the time gets close that she moves out, I need to get clarification what is the purpose of the MC, and what are the rules of us being apart, if any. Is this a separation, or divorce, plain and simple.

I also wonder what she will tell her friends and family. She would probably say "we grew apart, and we just couldn't make it work", where I would say "she is leaving me, and wants to find someone else". Interesting. Others in this situation, what has your spouse said when sharing with family and friends? When did they share? I know my wife has told a few close friends, but I wonder if as it gets closer who more she will tell. And if this is a separation and we have MC, then will she tell them we are separated, or getting a divorce. hmmm

IF she says this is a separation until we figure out things with an MC, there MUST be rules of some kind. I don't see how there is any reason for anything other than a divorce if she is not willing to have rules, and is perfectly happy to go date other people and for certain see the EA/OM.

I need to wrap my head around that it is over. Period. And just move on. I know this is the LRT is all about.