Let me clarify, Country. I do not think you are obligated to give your wife regular updates, when your daughter is healthy, of routine things you're doing throughout the day when she is in your care. You're right -- your W gave up that right when she ran away from her family.
But if D is sick, your wife deserves a prompt response.
If your D was sad/crying/acting up, perhaps, at the exchange, then I think your wife deserves a prompt response if she asks about her.
In addition, a daily phone call is also routine, and fair.
I'm not sure what type of boundary your wife is trying to lay out here, but I think you should properly apologize (without the "but's") for the other day, but make it clear that you're not going to provide several-times-a-day updates when your daughter is healthy, and in your care.
