The thing was, I was always the dominate one in our R.
How's that workin' for ya?
CS,
You had an opportunity to validate her feelings and instead took the opportunity to make it about YOU and YOUR feelings. You did not hear what she was trying to tell you, and I'm guessing it triggered in her the feeling that you NEVER heard what she was trying to tell you, and that's why she came back harder and stronger.
Originally Posted By: CS
I have become aware of my problems and I know I am also responsible for the situation we are in. I drank too much, I was controlling, I didn't give her enough attention, we didn't do a lot of fun things togeter, etc. I also was at times verbally abusive. I take full responsibilty for my part, and I am working on improving myself in all of these areas.
She was a very loving wife until the last year or so. She was not a hurtful person. One of the problems in our relationship is she did not stand up for herself. She let me dominate and just bottled up her frustration.
She is standing up for herself now.
Originally Posted By: CS
I think I find I am attracted to people who have a greater deal of compasion than myself, and my wife had this. I feel like now she has done a 180. I think she always had to be the piece keeper. Always had to be the "nice" one, now she is doing the complete opposite.
If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say she got pretty dang tired of peace keeping and not standing up for herself. Any attempt you make that gets interpreted as control will trigger all of those old feelings in her. Learn to validate ... which means NO BUTS. You can't follow up an "I understand" with "but..." either actually or figuratively....
Originally Posted By: CS
I understand W. <BUT> I needed some time this weekend and put all my efforts into D. Realize that I did not chose this (she's aware of this) and would prefer to be there for D every day. I do understand how hard it must be for you as well”
Originally Posted By: CS's W
A quick text to tell me whether my D is ok or not is something I will expect from now on.
This does not seem unreasonable to me. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel?
Originally Posted By: Grit
What you got is what she felt was you punishing her when she felt it was a duty of a responsible parent to keep her informed.
I think I might agree.
I agree with Grit. Personally, I think you could have avoided this in the first place by replying to her texts this weekend (within reason) with updates such as "sleeping peacefully" or "no more vomiting" etc ... no chit chat, just facts. Since you didn't do that you probably could have avoided a lot of the above exchange by answering her first text with "I understand."
Peace PEI
this. ^^^ I agree with the others, sorry, Country.
