Another New Day 2

[♪CS♪]

I know the feeling of coming home to the empty house all to well. Hang in there man...

[Denver_2010]

I have to really try, and I mean really try, not to talk about our M. It is just so hard not to.

JUST DO IT Islander. I completely understand how difficult it is man... I really do.

You need to keep your eyes on the LONG TERM goals here and recognize that this does not happen overnight... hell, it doesn't happen over a span of weeks. It is going to take some serious TIME and PATIENCE.

You know this. Now do it.

Hang in there.

BITS
Denver

[Redo]

Hey Islander, I know it is very depressing coming home to an empty house. Especially worse when you have kids and you remember all the commotion that happened when you came home.

Oddly i am okay in the evening when i come home because i actually look forward to sleeping. Because i know i can dream. The worst is when i get up in the morning and the bloody reality hits me hard.

[islander]

I guess I just need to detatch a lot more. I am so emotional these days, it is not helping me. I don't know if I should try to be more friendly with her or not. I know in the end, there will b no friendship bw us if we get a D. But is that helping or hurting my cause right now. How will I know. How will she know what it will b like without me if I am her "friend" now?

She said the other day when I suggested if we worked on our M that she would be less stressed "maybe but how can u force me if I am not wanting to or willing to right now?". I told her that I wasn't forcing her to do anything.

I can read into that statement that maybe someday she would be willing to go to C with me. But maybe I am reading into it to much. I am so lost right now.

[ninelives]

Islander:

As u know we are in very similar sitch's. I had to drive by my W's house again today on the way to the market and saw OM's truck in her driveway again and it sent another bolt through me.

Was actually crying in the supermarket but here is my point. How much of this are we going to take? I think we have to really detach and mean it. Although I believe both our W's are not sure of their decision, the one constant is that they dont want to work on our M right now and would rather be with an OM.

On what planet is that OK to do while we pretend to detach and move on. We havent detached Islander, you or I. WE keep letting ourselves get hurt and whether we admit it or not, we hope that she will wake up one day and see the value or our family and US and try again.

But the reality is , and will be for some time I think, She doesn't see too far into the future and appears to be content with what they are doing.

Im not trying to burst any hope , there might be down the road, but dont expect it any time soon.

Who know Islander what caused her to come around a few weeks ago.
Its possible that OM was talking about ending it with her and that caused her to go to Plan B) which might be you.

As always, we are here for you brother.

9

[islander]

9,

I agree with everything you said. Sometimes, very rarely, I think I can see a day coming that she will want to work on our M. But most of the time, that seems to be a very distant dream. I know nothing is going to happen anytime soon. That is what scares me too, to be honest. I have been feeling horrible for about 6 months now, and I wonder how long is this going to go on for. This is no way to live. But I tell myself, if there is any chance for us, I need to do whatever it takes, even if that means another 6 months of he!!.

But I can just see this dragging on too, and I don't like it. She does whatever she wants while I wait for her (my choice, I know).

Positives.
My W still has half of her stuff at our house(including half her clothes) and has made no attempt to take it with her.

She has not filed for D or even mentioned it.

She allows my family to take my SD out of town with my D.

She is willing to go to certain places with me (my D school play).

I am sure I could think of some more, but those are the ones that jump out at
me.

There are MANY MANY negatives and I dont even need to mention those, we all have too many to list.


And I do believe that when she came to me weeks ago and wanted to come back, OM had to have been the one to end things, unlike she told me. I know she still has feelings for me, but feelings for OM are stronger (that hurts me deeply), but I know they are there. And I also know that W knows what she and I have to do to reconcile our M and make it successful. She told me what she thought, and she was right on point. I know my W i know is there somewhere,
But I don't know when she will find herself.

To me, it is so obvious, and she even stated to me that this is not her. But now that is not important to her.

[~ kd ~]

Hey Islander. As with 9, I'm thinking about you. I talked in 9's topic that I am late to the game here and my game is already done. Big mistake on my part and I just can't do it any more. With the co-operation of W, I hope to get D finalized by end of summer.

Anyhow, I'll stay on here until that's done and watch your threads. I wish you the best.

[islander]

Thanks Kaffe, I have been reading your sitch too, but not the whole thing. Hang in there, and do what you have to do for yourself. I am.

[islander]

I think I am going to take a new approach with my W and see what happens.

I am going to be more friendly with her when we talk.
Instead of tm all of the time, I will talk to her on the phone more.
I am going to ask her to do certain things with me: go to church, school functions, and similar things.

I asked her if she wanted to go to church with me this Sunday. She said maybe, then said she couldn't bc she was running a half marathon. Then she said she thought she would be too tired. She did tell me the other day about the race, but I forgot.

She has never immediately come out and refused to go with me to church, and implied that she would if she wasn't busy. Idk.

But I believe she will go to church with me one day, and that will be a major step in the right direction if she does. I will in no way pressure to go with me, and if she flat out refuses, I will let it go and not ask her for a while.

I need to do something different, something that works. I know some will say that I am pursuing, but I am not. I am just seeing what works. And I have already gotten some positive responses. I will just take it very slow and see where it leads me.

[Truegritter]

I am going to ask her to do certain things with me: go to church, school functions, and similar things.

I think this is a bad idea at this point.

What makes you want to do this?

I need to do something different, something that works.

I understand doing something that works but what makes you think what you are doing isn't working?

Or

Not working on your time frame?

What is driving this Islander?

Believe me I understand.

But

Say it.