The End is Here!

[steady]

Cake eating is when your W gets to have her cake and eat it too. She gets to get her emotional and maybe physical needs met by the OM and then gets all the benefits of living in the house with you.

Tell her you won't live in an open marriage. Tell her you know she's lying about them just being friends and she might as well save her breath if she's going to deny it.

Tell her you don't care what she does or who she is with. Tell her if she wants to continue having an affair she needs to pack her stuff up and move out.

Since you've outed her, if you don't take a strong stand she will see you as weak and condoning her behavior.

That's cake eating.

Did you get the book that was suggested to you? Bob Glover's "No More Mister Nice Guy"

I STRONGLY suggest you but that book and bury yourself in it.

This is what I see as your problem. It was my problem when I came here, and the same problem we all have when we are new:

You are doing what you are doing to get a reaction from your W in a direction you think is giving you what you want.

Let me ask you this - how do you know she doesn't need to move out, have an R, have it fail for her to see you are the better choice for her? (rhetorical question)

We think we know how to 'control' what's going on. Get this through your head - You have absolutely NO control. Focus on you, build a better you, create a great life that any woman would want to be in. If your W sees it and jumps on the train with you then great. If she doesn't, you'll be that much better for the next one.

Stop focusing on her, her reactions, etc... That's you jumping on the roller coaster with her. Get off and stay off.

She will vacillate all over the place. My W and I ML a month before she dropped the D bomb - after a few months of MC where she just blew smoke up my ass.

Forget any 'signals'. Sometimes their guilt drives them into doing things you'll interpret as coming closer to you.

And yes, as you improve, her behavior will worsen. You're throwing a wrench into her plan. You have to be made out to be the boogy man in order for her to leave. She will most likely attempt to minimize and even destroy positive changes you make in yourself.

Do it for you and not to save your M.

All of the things I've written are hard to do. Some impossible at the stage you are at. The closer you get to them, the better your chance of saving yourself.

By the way, everything you've written can be seen all over these boards. The WAS runs a basic script and they are similar to everyone else's sitch.