Received a lovely long email yesterday from X-SIL thanking me for "everything last week, weeks before, and all I do". She said I was a "precious gem" and that's she's blessed to have me in her life. (X-SIL makes up for XH's inability to show gratitude. Her thanks are much appreciated!) She said that she and her brother did NOT have the talk to clear the air about their argument last Wednesday..........so it's interesting to see how poorly (or slowly?) that family communicates about sensitive issues.
My convos with X-SIL and her H last week have filled in some more puzzle pieces and I have been thinking that XH has clinically significant anxiety issues. I suspect that XH has left at least 2 women before me suddenly, without much warning and may have a bigger pattern of this than I know. I have had a number of patients with clinical anxiety recently who have really honed my antennae for this problem. They are very demanding and untrusting, wanting everything to be exactly the way THEY want it. They appear controlling (and they are) but underneath they are really VERY insecure and many of them are that way because of previous trauma. I have been thinking that unless XH addresses his anxiety problem, I'm not sure I want to be around. I actually feel sorry for him. It must be very difficult to live this way.
Anyway........XH and I exchanged a handful of emails today. He may not have time for dinner after TT tomorrow evening because he is still working on his mother's and his taxes. I replied "Let's play it by ear". If tomorrow doesn't work we can always go another time in the near future.......and I mentioned a new restaurant. He picked up on that and responded that he liked that restaurant.
XH also sent me a funny email that gave me an opening to tell him I'd like to have him over to celebrate the saving of the giant patio tree. Told him that I knew the arborist he'd worked with 3 years ago had led him to believe there wasn't a problem. I wanted to remove any guilt he might have.........Then I told him that I'd cried last night when something triggered a memory of his mother. He replied to that, so I think he appreciated knowing someone understands.
So.....nothing big..........planting seeds of ideas in XH's brain.....and TT tomorrow evening. Good to have a quiet week after last week.
