It's Time To Rock; Part II

[♪CS♪]

The thing was, I was always the dominate one in our R. I really don't think boundaries are my issue.

She felt my refusal of updates over the weekend were just to hurt her. I would not say hurt, but I do admit that I wanted her to feel some loss. Perhaps my ulterior motive was easy to spot. Maybe it is just a natural response. The truth is though, I don’t think I am obligated to send those updates. To do so would be to help W, not D. Nothing I did hurt D at all. In fact, my darkness helped me focus even more on D.

I think it comes down to a decision for me. What kind of R do I want with W right now? Do I want the friendly spot? Does that help or hurt me? Is this anger actually letting her process some loss? Or will it only dig my grave faster? I just don’t know. The fact is, I am still reacting to how she is responding to my actions, until that stops I will continue to find myself in this spot.

One last update:

I end up saying “I have consistently been putting D #1. I will not apologize for how I have acted as a father.”

She responds: "I’m not talking about u as a dad. I’m talking about the importance of communication between us about her, but you’re right, keeping updates ongoing about her health is part of your fatherly role."

And last one by me: “I will continue to provide all necessary updates when it is important to D’s well being”

I’m not sure what she is referring to with the “you’re right” in that last one.

I guess what tears me here. I do not want this type of R between us right now. But I also cannot agree with what she expects. She is asking for what would help her, but trying to sell it as what is important for D. I guess I have done this as well….

I could use some guidance on what direction to go here. This kind of put me at a loss when it comes to the “do what works” idea…