Hi, I am new here. My life was turned upside down July 6, 2010. It became on Mother's Day of 2010, when my husband of 13 years began to tell me he needed space and thought we should separate for awhile. This was a behavior that I had never seen in him before. He had NEVER short changed me on any holiday in the past, but on that day...he took me to dinner very early in the day and brought me back home and left. Well I began watching his behavior and noticed the distance and coldness he was displaying at home. He is a Sgt. at our local prison working the 4-11pm shift. Then it was off to his second job of delivering the town's local newspaper from 2am till 6:30 am. Well this particular morning, I woke up from a deep sleep and a voice in my head told me to get dressed and check on him. Low and behold he was not at the newspaper drop. I began calling his cell (no answer). I left messages after messages but no luck. I was furious that I went back home and packed his things. He didn't bother coming home till around 9:30 am that morning. Decided since I had his things pack, he would go ahead and leave even without a fuss or asking why!!! I knew in the back of my mind, he wanted this any ways. Later I found out that he had moved in with a co-worker 13 years younger than he. This was planned but he didn’t know how to tell me. He is 36 black man and she is 23 white woman with 2 small children ages 2 and 3 both with different fathers. I am a 41(woman of color). When I confronted as to where he was living, he denied it stating he was living with some guys from the prison. When I showed him evidence (pictures) of his cars in her driveway… he told me they were only friends and he was sleeping on her couch. My husband and I are best friends; he was there for me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. We have always been happy and I couldn't figure out what went wrong. All I could figure, was I went back to get my Masters degree in Educational Leadership and I was not there for him as he needed me to be. He lived with her for 6 months and out of the blue wanted to come back home. He moved back with me and our son January 11, 2011. Since he has been back home he appears to be confused, depressed and aggravated at me and the world. As far as the other woman, I think she is still trying to pursue him, but he tells me it's over. It is hard washing his clothes because I keep finding long strands of blonde hair deposited on his belonging from living with her. He will not talk about the incident at all. The more I talk he becomes defensive. We have not been fully intimate since his arrival back home. He only holds general conversations with me. Other than that, he is silent. He mopes around the house in a depressed manner. When I tell him that I love him, he never responds back. He told me this woman let him live with her free of charge and now he doesn’t want to help me at home. He ignores my calls, text messages, does not kiss me, nor hug me or anything married couples normally do. Could anyone shed some light to help me decide if he's having a midlife crisis? I cry daily, begging him to let me in. I asked him, if he wasn't ready to commit to the marriage again, why did he come home? He just says, "I don't know!!" I feel alone and hurt. I get so paranoid thinking he’s going by her house during his paper route in the wee hours of the morning. I constantly find myself driving by her house to spy to see if he's there....but he never is. I know I am letting this woman consume me, but it's so hard not too. I don’t want to end my marriage because that would be too easy for her.I miss my husband, lover, and friend from kissing me and loving me the way I know he should. I have noticed the more I pursue him the worst things become. Please advise me on what should I do to restore my marriage
