Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[Albuquerque]

Angel,

I'm very sorry to hear about your D. Seeing our kids go through their own issues is tough. I can totally relate. My D is on AD and (I'm pretty sure) tried to cut herself once also. If I have one recommendation it would be to go back and reread PEI's post again and again.

not once did I point out his role in what is happening to our daughter; I figure he knows it.

That ^^^ type of thinking will get you nowhere. It kind of doesn't matter if you didn't say it, you still believe it. Read PEI's post again. You are wrong in your current thinking and you need to fully understand that. Otherwise, you will continue to harbor these thoughts but just won't openly state them. You shouldn't be having them to begin with.

Your daughter is not cutting herself because of something your H has or has not done. PERIOD. She is cutting herself because she does not have the skills and tools to process the emotions she has running through her hormonally infused pre-teen body.

Yes, your H's actions have caused her pain. But learning how to deal and cope with pain is the true issue here.

PEI is spot on here. Your D is the only one to blame for her actions. Your H did not force her to cut herself. She made bad choices and dealt with life in a bad way. Life stinks sometimes. And there is no doubt your H is affecting her overall emotional health. But as PEI points out, there are many other things that life throws at us that also suck. Learning to cope in a healthy way is what your D needs to do. Your D is bright and probably knew (in some small way) this would be a good way to get your H to wake up. But that is the wrong way to do it and don't get sucked into believing it. When he wakes up, it needs to be because he TRULY sees himself for what he is, NOT because of some type of guilt. Stay the course, focus on you, and focus on helping your D learn better ways of dealing with unhappiness. Leave your H to deal with himself. It's all you can do.