Your sitch sounds so much like mine. My H just left on 4/2, but I had 2 months to detach while he was still living with me, so I'm not a total basket case at the moment. H stopped telling me he loved me the day before he dropped the bomb..all the way back in January. I feel that I can relate to you so much! The ups and downs; wondering what he is doing/feeling/thinking is what gets me. Oh, and I am a habitual phone record checker. I started checking in January and the longest I have gone without looking was 2 days. What has helped you stop checking?
Good luck with dinner on Thursday and please keep us posted! And I love the idea of a Skype call with a bunch of us on it!
Me: 35 H: 33 M: 3 1/2 years, together 6 years No kids Bomb #1: ILYBNILWY 1/25/11 Signed 6 month lease: 3/16/11 Separated: 4/2/11 I'm moving..alone: 9/27/11
I had a great time last night with some girlfriends and it made all the difference in the world. It was fun to go out, have dinner, and laugh. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Makes me feel good today. In much better spirits.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Ok, new day new insecurity. H is currently staying with a coworker, a female coworker. He is staying on her couch. Am I stupid to believe that there isn't anything going on? She is an older woman, about 15 years older and I really don't *think* he would do anything like that to me, But then I think a man staying with a woman.....
I know he doesn't have many options because his family lives 3 hours away, but I am really really bothered by it. And now he has a car he is using, and I'm afraid she bought it for him. Not as a gift, but as she paid for it and he is paying her back.
I have absolutely no basis for thinking this, these things just pop into my head and then I start to freak out.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
DG - I am sorry to hear about that. I don't blame you for not liking that one bit.
Over the last couple of weeks I have picked up a couple nuggets of wisdom on this forum when I was suspecting my W of an EA. 1. Don't assume your H is having an affair or not having an affair. Don't focus on that AT ALL. 2. How is this going to change your DB strategy? In my case, the answer was very little.
Just continue to work on your GAL. It will greatly improve your mental health, and from my experience, it will keep all of this from consuming your life so much, because other things are now consuming it. It also helps with being able to upbeat in your spouse's presence because you're excited about the things you're doing to GAL.
One thing my DB coach told me early on is he (in my case she) is not responsible for your happiness. You need to take that pressure off of him.
DG...only concentrate on the things YOU can control. You can't control his thoughts or behaviors.
This is something I ask myself so that I don't worry about what my W is doing. Would you be ok with your H doing whatever (anything) but knowing in the end, you will be together with a MUCH stronger marriage? That is how I think of things right now. It really helps me to be able to only concentrate on me and fix my problems. Whatever my W is doing doesn't matter right now. I either fix me or be prepared to suffer more pain in the future.
