Arg how is he supposed to know that I am GAL when he is never home to see me leave!!! I feel like he's doing everything in his power not to be home, regardless of whether or not I'm here.
This weekend was full of ups and downs. I feel like more ups than downs, but he is still far from where I want him to be. We were able to come to some agreements to try to help us stop being so hostile with each other (we did get into a screaming match on Saturday where we both cried). On marriagebuilders.com there's a lot of different activities to do with your spouse, and one of them is to come up with a "policy of joint agreement" which basically says that neither party will do something without enthusiastic agreement from their partner. It's a way to negotiate needs without hurting the other person. I think we both got a few things we wanted, but I don't know if H really understands how I want mine executed.
For example, I said that I do not care where he is or what he is doing, but when he says he's going to be home at a certain time, I expect him to stick to it. And I would rather him say midnight and it be 10:30 than him say 10:30 and it end up being midnight. And it's not because I need to know what he's doing. It's simply a courtesy thing. If you are going to be out until 10, then I can go do something else and not sit around wondering whether or not to make dinner for you. I have ALWAYS asked this of him. So he agreed that this was not unreasonable and he would do it.
So today he texted me at 6 that he was leaving work. I was out at my finance class until 9. I come home, thinking he will be here, but no, he's not. So I text: Me: I thought you were leaving work at 6 H: I did. Me: I thought we agreed you would let me know when you were going to come home and I wouldn't ask your whereabouts and you would stick to the time. H: Went home, you were gone. Best friend and I made plans.
So after a few minutes of thinking of what to say, I just said, "OK. Thanks for letting me know"
At another time I will probably have to explain that just because he came home, doesn't mean that when he leaves again he doesn't have to stop communicating. I don't know why this is so hard for him to understand! All it would have took was "hey, leaving again, will be back at 10" or whatever.
Why is this so hard for him? Is he being passive aggressive or smart a$$, or does he really not get it? He's always been time retarded (which I blame on the ADHD), and so he has always said, "oh, I'll be there in 30 minutes" and it be more like 2 hours. I just don't understand.
If he is doing this to be noncompliant, it makes me very nervous to fulfill what I agreed to in our negotiations. I just don't want to be the one bending over backwards while he just takes advantage.
