That book J3B mentioned is really good and there's a condensed version of the tips on the psychology today website (blogs, archives at this point, a search turns it up). Recommend you check it out.
One of the things that precipitated all of my M issues was the ML dried up. From 1/week to 1/month. We actually were having somewhat reasonable talks at that point but it took a LONG while to get into her head that this would drive me absolutely NUTS, and always being the one to ask for ML put me in this place I'm in (where I'm resentful, and she gets to be in charge) - which, ironically, she didn't like. It was an example of how our R had become unbalanced.
I wrote her a letter explaining my point of view. I wish I would have given her those short articles from the PT site - would have been easier and better, probably. Anyway, over time....it took time....it got better - quality and quantity. She knows that 1/week gives her a happy, strong H, and one who is understanding when she's not in the mood.
Yeah, she lost some weight in the past year - maybe had something to do with her boss, and going to work looking good turned on her libido too. Hey there's an obvious downside of this for me, of course. But at 39 she looks better than she did at 21. So, heck, I try to appreciate it when I can. Point is - J3B is right - it'll just take time to get back into it.
One other thing that worked for me.....and forgive me if this is TMI. But it's a BIG help for me. I know Ws cycle better than she does. When we were having trouble getting pregnant ("we", ha!) it was my job as the biologist to track her temperature and cycles and give her daily injections in her stomach - I had to keep a chart - and I LEARNED. When the whole thing started getting bad a year ago or so I figured I should start keeping track again. You can laugh.....I know it's a little crazy....but I have it in a personal calendar on outlook! Check wikipedia for a summary of "events"....your mileage may vary, of course.
Here's the thing. After months and months of doing this I know when she's likely to be in the mood, and when she won't be. It's the same couple of times every month - and not the stereotypical ones. I don't waste my time even trying when I know it's a bad time. And during the other times I don't get the cold shoulder much. Interestingly, I've noticed other behaviors that are predictable. EG, wife has a particular outfit - a short sweater dress she wears with boots on the same day each cycle. Weird.
My W says I have a pretty good memory about this. Once a doctor asked her about her, well, you know, stuff and she shrugged and looked over at me. ha.
