when you have moved on

[forward]

It's been four years since the bomb, and about six since now-X began acting strangely and becoming impossible to deal with.

My signature kind of sums it up. The odd thing was, I had breakfast w/X yesterday. More like he wouldn't leave when he dropped off D yesterday. So I offered him some breakfast. He actually said thank you. There was a time when I would have seen that as progress. I don't any more.

I am polite to him. I feel sorry for him. I still have moments of anger at him.

But...the pain has drained away. I have not forgotten about him, but I don't have the deep pain that I used to. He is someone I used to know.

With these things added, I don't want to be around X any more. I see that he is perpetually negative and I think possibly narcissistic. I see that I did most of the "work" in the R.

I am realizing that I am lucky to have New Guy. He is kind and giving and much more mature than X. And I think he is lucky to have me.

[peacetoday]

I am happy for you Forward
you are inspirational and a great example of how this works
wishing you continued happiness and growth
Peace

[grr]

thank you for posting

i hope if the big "d" does indeed happen, that i can someday be where you are

[TRUSTING]

I so relate to everything you wrote. God Bless

[forward]

I have asked myself why I keep reading and posting, and I guess some of it is because I am not sure that those of us who deal with this are ever truly "over it." I have moved on in that I don't think about X every day, but the experience has left its mark, too. It's made me question how I feel about marriage, in particular.

In some ways, we might be lucky ones as we have opportunity to explore and learn and grow from our experiences.

[beatrice]

I would agree strongly with your post. We grow and change into people we never expected to become. I have a van, and my own power tools [as well as a lot of shoes] I have lots of new friends [as well as fabulous old ones], and a new life opening up. I am starting up two new businesses in partnership with different people.

Would I have done all of this if my xh hadn't left me? probably not. Until recently I would have given it all up to have my 'old' life back. Not now. No newguy in my case, but that is OK too.

I still read and post because I remain interested in the phenomenon of MLC and the devastation it causes in people's lives. And also because of a fabulous bunch of very interesting people trying to deal with an impossible situation with courage grace and dignity. We used to define success as restoring your marriage, but now I can see, as the then old timers used to point out, it is about us too, and how we respond. Our chance to grow into the people we are capable of becoming.

[seeking answers]

Well said, Beatrice!!! ^^^^^^^

[EverHopeful]

Forward,

So funny how the tides change. I too can remember seeing hanging on to any little thing as a turning point, wanting so desperately to get have my marriage back. He invited me to dinner recently and as I was sitting there, I wondered what I was doing there at all.

I admire your ability to articulate the changes that you see in yourself and of course to move FORWARD.

Good luck with New Guy and of course, the new YOU.

[forward]

Yes, I guess the thing is that those of us who are MLCers partners have a lot to recover from.

The personal attacks. Screaming and yelling, in my instance. Deep betrayals. The way our children were treated (and in my instance, still are treated). Losing our ILs, in my case. Depression, frustration, loneliness.

Part of me still wants some kind of explanation for what happened.

[braveheart]

Forward, its best to talk to them, unless its really important. You will never get an explanation, at least not the kind you would want.