How do you trust someone who isn't sorry?

[hope2011]

Thank you, Sandi, very much.

I'm trying to catch up here. I never have enough time to do anything anymore it seems.

H and I are still on the roller coaster. Good days, bad days. Days when he seems to be really, really trying and to really care and days when he's an immature jerk. It's like being married to a 15-yr-old boy. Which means now I live with 3 15-yr-old boys. When it's good, I start to relax, let my guard down, allow myself to trust him a little and then when it's bad, he does immature little things like delete me off of FB again, give me the cold shoulder, etc. He's not committed. He's here while it's fun, when it's not, he'll want out again. Knowing this makes it impossible to really trust him or give my heart to him again. It's just really frustrating. There are days like this weekend when we spent the weekend together, 2 dates, ML, laughing, having fun, hanging out, talking about decorating the house and the future a bit. Then days like today when he just can't be bothered and little things roll into big things. I feel like I have to bite my tongue 24/7, we still don't talk about the R at all. That builds up a lot of resentment. And I fell off the wagon today.

I have a hernia, diagnosed last week. H lost his job, which means we lost our insurance on the 31st = no surgery for me. The charity needs office furniture. I can't pick up anything. We have 2 15-yr-old teenage boys. Am I wrong to think that maybe, as part of the family, it wouldn't be too horrible to ask them to move a desk? I spend 6 hours a week at baseball games right now, I'm putting food on the table, etc. Just 30 minutes to help me as the woman who has helped them with countless school projects... is that so bad? Apparently it is, because H doesn't want to bother them. I was supposed to go pick up furniture today (donated so on a time frame) but I was stuck. H was "too busy" (doing what?! He's out of work) to help me today. To pick up a few boxes and put them in the car for me and meet me this afternoon to get a trailer to pull furniture, pick up the boys after school and get them to move the furniture. And by the way, H wants to see if I can find him a desk too in this whole thing. So this morning, he tells me he won't help me today, that's he's so "busy" and I need to "take care of it on my own". He didn't lift a finger to help me put boxes in the car either. I was so upset when I pulled out of the driveway that I backed into the mailbox and took off the drivers side mirror. H comes out of the house, yelling, checking on the mailbox post, muttering "I'm not paying for this". Never asked me if I was ok. I lost it. I yelled, I asked him what type of husband makes his injured wife carry boxes, leaves me dealing with stuff again along and doesn't even ask how I'm doing. It's my fault I hit the mailbox, that I let him upset me that much that I didn't pay attention (my first accident, ever in 20 years of driving). But would I have had the accident if my H was kind, supportive, caring and I wasn't upset? No. I was running late for a meeting so I just moved my boxes into the other vehicle. Again, no help from him. He stormed into the house, no doubt upset about the mailbox. When he saw from his office window that I was putting boxes in the truck, he didn't come to help, he came out to tell me that he needed the truck today. I yelled back "H, what can I do to make YOUR life easier? How can I help YOU?! You need the truck today? Well tough S, I need it, so do what I have to do when I need someone's help... figure it out on your own!" and I left. I was upset and posted on FB "You can really tell a whole lot about a person by the way that they react to a car accident" as a status update. No names, no details, no nothing. Not the least big attacking of H and no one knew about the accident. At some point after that, he deleted me off his FB, again. I'm sure he'll want a D again now. And of course, it's all my fault. All of it. So I banned him from my FB - never again will he be added as a friend. After the 10th deletion, I am done. I'm not in high school, this is beyond immature so I'm just removing him from the opportunity to keep doing that to me. He knows it bothers me, so that's why he keeps doing it. No more. Boundaries.

Just yesterday, he was so very sweet. Snuggling every night this week, watching shows together. Going places I want to go, trying to be attentive to me. Saying ILY to me first, several times. He was trying, really trying. I started to feel like maybe he does love me.

Then today. I married Jeckyll and Hyde. Talking through matters isn't an option. He doesn't have time = doesn't care to talk. No resolving anything. Ever. I do not work like that. I cannot live in tension, confusion, unanswered questions, etc. No communication = no relationship to me. No communication = happiness to him. Ugh.

So my DB skills have flown out the window. Right now, he just got home picking up the boys after a game and I'm in the bedroom watching TV and trying to catch up with you guys.